Бесплатный фрагмент - Wish of Wishes

Instead of an introduction

How the book works

The book «Wish of Wishes. Forbidden Memories» (TV series + Formula of Miracles) contains a clean, safe technology for fulfilling desires. The launching of the mechanism of making desires come true occurs through understanding the secret, using the example of the described story.

Before the eyes of the readers, like puzzles, memories from different periods of the heroine’s life gradually paint a picture of the events she is investigating, performing a miracle. The book has a Gold Award for Best Original Story from Film Fest.

This book is a magnificent jewel, a channel of communication with the Light, wisdom for all who desire it, helps to eliminate all forms of negativity from our lives, gain protection, meet the right people, receive the deepest desire of your soul, increases confidence that works miracles, brings the Golden Age closer — a time of abundance and prosperity for all on Earth until the end of time.

This book is not just for informational purposes. It is a tool that allows you to improve your life and the world as a whole through self-improvement, development of your spirit, soul, and body.

Part I. «I’ll be back».Saga «Tornerò»

The Reanimation of Desire

The innermost desire and the

purpose of life coincide.

It is a process. Do not rush.

Every «little thing» matters.

«For love, we have to fight to the end.»

Brief Prehistory

The glaring sun floods the seaside town with sparkling gold, and even with my sunglasses on I squint.

The clock says 11.24.

It is early July.

It’s hot outside, especially since I’m wearing brown corduroy jeans (the fine ribbing is interrupted by a notch — I almost tore them) and a brown T-shirt that fits my figure.

«Tule siia!» — the excited voices of children playing in the yard echo.

And a soft breeze bends the lush satin grass, tickles the nostrils, and slightly blows the heat. On the tongue, there is a light taste of sea salt with a hint of iodine.

I start looking in my purse for a barrette to tie my long, sun-golden hair below the waist, from which my neck is already covered with perspiration. I can’t find it. And I leave everything as it is.

I try to keep to the shade of the lindens, completely covered with honey-scented flowers, and confidently move towards the city center along the hedge of the wild roses, balmy with scarlet terry pompoms… Although for an 18-year-old girl who arrived at the resort only yesterday, it would be more logical to go in the opposite direction, i.e., to the sea.

Today is the first day of my long-awaited vacation.

Yesterday doesn’t count, because yesterday my mother and I had just arrived from Moscow, and we had to find a room to live in. It was not so easy in the high season, but although not on the first try, we were lucky.

We ran into Maria, a little confused from surprise, on a light-filled staircase, blown by a draft from the wide-open windows, in the entrance of a house chosen as if at random (but, of course, fate was leading us), and asked if she was renting out a room by chance.

It seemed to me that she had wanted it for a long time, but still couldn’t decide (including because she was waiting from day to day for her son, who was serving in the army, to arrive on short leave), and then everything just came together :). At that moment, everyone was happy — my mother, Maria, and me.

In the evening, despite the fatigue accumulated during the day, I ran to the luxuriateing in the rays of the bronze sunset blue Baltic Sea, which I have adored since childhood, and admired its bronze sunset.

I felt this sea as native. And it met me with a gentle, warm breeze, brackish air, and the carefree cries of seagulls playing near the water. There was a sense of calm, but also a premonition of the events of a new day mysteriously emerging somewhere in the depths of the sea.

And this morning, freshness reigned in me and in everything that surrounded me. The premonition of events already on the threshold and ready to enter my life was the first after awakening. I quickly cleaned myself up and ran outside.

In the shade at the entrance, I was doused with an invigorating gust of cool wind. I had to remove the hair from my eyes and from my carefully painted eyelashes, acting carefully so as not to smear the fragrant, juicy cherry gloss from my lips.

Silky emerald grass. Bottomless blue sky. Snow-white clouds are overhead. The cheery chirping of birds seems to foretell something.

It is strange that I remember the events of that day in such great detail.

I turned the corner of the house and found myself on a deeply warmed-up street named «May 9,» with rare passing cars. I wanted to visit places in my beloved town that were familiar from childhood.

I walked almost dancing, illuminated by the sun like soffits, wrapped in a magical honey haze of my favorite «Papillon» aroma. In the soul and out of the open windows, the sweet melody «Donna Mia» sounded. That was the time of the «Italians,» the 1980s of the 20th century.

I managed to walk without adventure for probably about 20 steps when a truck of ordinary Soviet design with a blue rattling plank body drove past me at a rather slow speed and stopped a little ahead.

A young man with curly brown hair stepped out of the car. He was wearing light blue jeans and a blue T-shirt, and he asked me something in Estonian, which, as usual, I did not understand and about which I told him.

The young man immediately switched to Russian, introduced himself, and asked about what I planned to do in the evening.

In those few moments, something in the depths of me shuddered and fluttered.

This light blue color, my favorite, and those blue eyes with a mesmerizing glow, as if they reflected the silver light of stormy sea waves (his eyes seemed to me quite unusual compared to mine, gray-green-blue with brown flecks), and this warmth, as if of a long-familiar kindred spirit, although outwardly unfamiliar to me.

Perhaps the young man would not have dressed in all blue in order to avoid speculation, if only…

If only this color didn’t suit him so well.

Or,… if it weren’t a sign and he needed to be dressed like that…

All these thoughts flashed through my mind at the subconscious level. Outwardly, I only asked, «And what can be done here?»

And we agreed to meet in the evening to understand this issue in more detail…

In fact, I was really happy with this meeting. It seems that this is what I subconsciously expected then.

But what I did NOT expect were the fatal events associated with it.

1.1. Misunderstanding

Yesterday, my teacher let me know even more strongly that I was mistaken.

Three negative weeks are coming to an end.

Without a protective cover, cosmic energy strikes with an amazing accuracy right where it hurts, and I almost constantly feel annoyed.

«Why?!» comes out of me. «You know nothing!»

«You said» was the answer.

I am grateful, but…

My story can’t be described in «two words.».

Behind the banal events visible on the surface, there is an iceberg: my life, which suddenly turned into a mystical detective story when I finally allowed myself to release the brakes, feel, recall, and analyze.

1.2. What led me to investigate

When my son turned 10, I was sure that I would not live long because there was no need. Maternal instincts, which were the driving force for these years, said the obvious: now he can already live without me. Death began to attract.

The familiar priest said: «Do not think about death, so that it does not suck like a swamp.»

They are golden words. In fact, death cannot attract, but only illusory fantasies about it.

1.3. Healing of the Past

Hmm, and I switched.

Allowing myself to do this was not easy. I participated in a self-help program that was dedicated to unlocking feelings and emotions. Here I also took a course of spiritual counseling care, where I learned how the opportunity to share your life story in a protected, confidential environment, without criticism, advice, and, if desired, without feedback, works in practice.

At that time, I was receiving a higher theological education. And new joy came to me with the birth of my daughter. The shadow of death receded. Maternal instincts kicked in with renewed vigor. Sleepless nights, caring for children, and then new acquaintances — the fairytale Alpine castle above Leman was mesmerizing — new ideas and inspiration.

During our informal meetings of conference participants, I often heard the words

«healing the past,» «repentance,» «reconciliation.» Apparently, this was the first time it got to me. We thought a lot about the past.

I listened to the stories of people from all over the world, saw their tears, and gradually came to the thought that I would never be able to share my life story with them, but perhaps these people, bringing their experiences to the surface, felt relief… What a pity that I can’t do this, I thought… It’s too painful; it’s too personal.

However, meeting Leif Hovelsen, who was able to forgive… a living legend, a Norwegian hero who went through the war and a fascist concentration camp, forgave his executioner… Maybe I can too.

I tried, but the pain and unrequited misunderstanding remained.

Life went on, and now my daughter is 10 years old. I felt exhausted and tired. At some point, I realized that I was in a crisis and didn’t want anything. Such an unpleasant feeling — that there is no future…

1.4. Crisis

The worst thing is to want nothing at all, because that’s the end. Is that really me? I remember myself in my youth — full of plans and hopes, the future literally pulsating inside me. But… no, I can’t think about that. I can’t allow myself to remember.

I can’t allow myself to take even a small step towards the reservoirs of memory; otherwise, I’ll drown in this ocean of pain… But really, what could be worse than what already is? My current state is unbearable.

1.5. Ban

Well, let them judge me…

It’s strange; it’s as if I have an internal ban. Not mine. Or not only mine. It seems that my ban is simply a fear of internal pain when turning to the past. Is there something or

someone else…

For a moment, my aunt’s face appears before my eyes with a derogatory expression. I trusted her with the secrets of my youth. She purses her lips contemptuously, making it clear that I am at the last line separating me from indelible shame and, in general, my behavior, according to her opinion, abnormal.

There is still some obstacle — some kind of emptiness — holding me back from specifics, from finally finding out the truth about what happened, whatever it may be.

And finally, I step over all this.

So that’s it — I do have one desire. No matter how impossible it may sound, I want the person who, as I used to think, betrayed me many years ago, to be with me. I don’t know in what capacity, but he must be in my life. And all this, realizing that, on the one hand, this is savagery, on the other hand, nonsense.

Strangely enough, this admission to myself makes me feel better. And I take another step, overcoming prohibitions — I try to look at the fatal, tragic, and shameful, in my opinion, events of the distant past from the heights of accumulated life experience.

Well, the man whose gaze still pierces me through, if I only allow myself to revive his image in memory…, the man with whom words are not necessary, because the magnetic attraction between us created a field where the exchange of thoughts and feelings took place by itself, no matter how far we were, as if we were inextricably linked two parts of a single whole…, this man who seemed to do everything so that we would be together, simply disappeared. And this is strange and illogical.

1.6. 30 years

Then, many years ago, in the fall of 1984, when he left and stopped communicating, my aunt was convincing me that if he needs you, he will come himself; you need to have maiden pride.

And I was so stupid and gullible that I could not isolate the thought that was latently beating somewhere in the back of my mind: «What if he can’t?»

My attempt to come and sort this out myself was psychologically subtly nipped in the bud when I was almost on the train.

A young man in pure Russian (without any hint of an Estonian accent) in a friendly and serene voice told me on the phone that he was Rein’s friend, that Rein was still in the hospital in another city, in Tartu, but would be home very soon.

I had only two days off for this trip to Estonia, and I did not know where to look for Rein in another city. The friendly voice of the «friend» calmed me down, and I decided that it would be wiser to wait a little longer since, in general, everything was in order. Of course, my aunt knew about the planned trip.

But these two letters from Rein with the Tartu stamp, which he sent me from that very hospital two weeks after leaving… Two letters, each on four densely written pages

— and the text made no sense.

At the time, I simply didn’t understand anything. Now I think that a person could have written such a letter either while under the influence of drugs, or under a very strong sedative, or he had gone crazy.

Or… this was how he tried to convey to me something that he couldn’t write in plain text. For the first time, I wanted to reread these letters again.

So how can I get answers?

2. The era named «Internet»

Now we are in the 21st century, and we live differently — on the Internet. And in 1984—who could have imagined such a course of events?

And here I am looking at a modern photo, signed by Rein’s full name in a Baltic newspaper. And again, it feels strange to me. I feel a sharp rejection. Instinctively, it is clear to me that I do not want to have anything in common with this person.

Then what is the problem? Why do I close the page on my laptop — and before my inner gaze are completely different eyes, and they tear my soul apart, attract me, call me?

2.1. Oddities and inconsistencies

«When you start an investigation,

You need to be able to start from

details that don’t add up.»

I take out a photo of Rein at age 20 from a secret place.

I don’t understand why my heart aches so much. Huge, filled with pain, hope, longing, reproach, mystery, pure eyes. This photo seems to be burning in my hands; the face radiates energy, trying to talk to me. This photo of a young man in a soldier’s uniform is somehow piercingly intimate.

Is it really all about the stamp of time? Well, he got older, got fat, in general, changed…

Well, even if I didn’t get an answer in due time. Once in a quarter of a century, I still have a good chance that I will be answered. I received an answer via social networks about a week later:

«Hello, Natasha,» the text in Latin read, under the nickname Rein (original spelling preserved), «I am very glad to hear about you. Of course, you shouldn’t apologize; it was all my fault, and although so much time has passed, I am glad that I can at least ask you for forgiveness today. At that time, I simply didn’t have the courage to do this, and it seems to me that after the army I lost the right attitude toward life in general, including responsibility. Once again, please forgive me. I am also doing well. Three children, and it seems that I will soon be a grandfather :-). Rein.» Well, I got another portion of pain.

When, after some time, the pain subsided a little, I was able to analyze again. The information in the letter was as strange as a modern photo on the Internet.

I remember an anxious night many years ago in the fall of 1983, when we were still together. Rein was very late; I was worried. And then there was a knock on the door. There’s something wrong with Rein; he’s on adrenaline and he’s not feeling well.

From his indistinct words, I understand that there was a fight; several people were not letting him pass — to me. Then in the bathroom, he spits out two knocked-out teeth with blood. In principle, it was possible not to lose teeth in a fight but just go home. But he goes to me. And now this man explains his disappearance by a lack of courage and responsibility…

2.2. Arrest..?

I remember how we said goodbye at the Leningradsky railway station in Moscow — that was the last time I saw Rein. A bad feeling that something was going wrong. And it seemed like it was just a feast — Rein was discharged from the army early, he must undergo treatment at home, after that we will get married, and separation will be in the past.

But just now at the box office for military personnel, they did not sell Rein a ticket, explaining this with a problem with the documents. At that moment Rein froze and, with a change in his face, said that this meant… arrest.

Saturday evening, no opportunity to ask for help, and Monday is the deadline for appearing at the military registration and enlistment office in Estonia. We bought him a regular ticket, and he left. I never saw him again…

We agreed that Rein would call me in the morning from the station in Tallinn, and with some delay the call came.

The phone wouldn’t connect. It would ring loudly, then cut off the signal. And I couldn’t pick up the phone in time.

And finally: «I got there!!!» I suddenly heard an abnormally excited scream in the phone receiver, and the connection was cut off…

It was strange, and that’s why I remembered it. Then I thought, «Why is he so worried, because in principle everything is normal?…»

Of course, I tried to ask clarifying questions through the same social networks, but there was no answer. Nevertheless, these attempts were not in vain. Addressing this person, I experienced strange sensations — as if inside his visible physical shell there was no soul of Rein, which I knew.

If, for example, he, God forbid, died, I would come to his grave and address his soul. That way we could communicate… But you are alive, and inside you there is no YOU… I did not understand this.

These were my first insights. Although I was still very far from understanding what had actually happened. For now, my investigation was at a standstill. But I knew for sure that I should no longer ignore and freeze my feelings and thoughts about what had happened.

3. Mysticism and memory

3.1. Miracle Book: Make your wish come true in 40 days

«Dear Lord,» I prayed, «I need help!»

So soon, in search of a solution to my problem, I came across a mention of a book by an American author whom I trusted — on the topic of how you can perform a miracle in 40 days.

Well, 40 days are not decades. Besides, it’s simple — it’s just gratitude. For both the bad and the good — but the bad is a priority. It would seem like some kind of nonsense, but the author showed very clearly and inspiredly from her own experience how it works.

I made a written translation of the book. In accordance with the author’s recommendation, I clearly formulated my desire. I wrote it down on a separate piece of paper: «I want to know exactly what really happened to Rein, why he disappeared,» and immediately began to practice the miracle exercise described in the book.

Probably 20 days passed. I was in a store looking at an intricate decoration when suddenly my heart surprised me.

Probably, in medical language, it would be called arrhythmia. And in the language of love, my heart suddenly beat out some intricate rhythm and, at the same time, sang some sweet melody, as if trying to convey to me an encrypted message in Morse code.

And a day later, I suddenly began to notice that something supernatural was happening to me and around me.

In my news feed, the computer suddenly began to show me messages, not in the way it usually does. On the screen, I saw things that were too intimate, things that no one except Rein and me knew about. As if my news feed was being controlled from the outside.

I still didn’t realize what was happening. But suddenly I caught myself reading the information from the computer and asking Rein a question out loud: «But if you were recruited, why did you agree?!» And then in my head, as a thought, I heard Rein’s clear answer: «No, I didn’t agree!»

«Then who’s the button?!»

The answer came instantly and in duet: my amazement at the sudden guess «Me???!!!» and his decisively monosemantic «You!!»

At that moment I realized that our common resonant magnetic field, which once connected us and then disappeared, seemingly irrevocably, was now between us again, and we could communicate again.

For the first time in many years, I felt alive; I felt smells, some barely perceptible vibrations of light and shadow, sounds, colors, wave flows that I had not noticed for so long, and the whole world came to life.

I felt Rein’s powerful, energetic presence. It seemed that he had very little time and a PLAN. Our communication was almost non-stop, and when it was briefly interrupted, I was very scared because I was afraid of losing him again. It was also important for me to maintain a sober mind, because what was happening was a miracle.

Rein was constantly leading me somewhere forward to some goal known only to him. Everything that came to hand was used. Sounds outside the window, days of the week, dates and holidays, and, of course, the news feed.

3.2. Mystique and memory

The feast in honor of Saints Peter and Fevronia was approaching.

My news feed persistently reminded me of this. And Rein seemed to be waiting for something from me.

«Do you remember…?»

It’s so strange; I never thought about it, but Rein told me the story of the lives of Peter and Fevronia at the very beginning of our acquaintance. How could he have known about them in those atheistic Soviet times…?

The wide fame as patrons of family and marriage came to Peter and Fevronia, canonized in 1547, relatively recently — in the 1990s. And in 2022, a decree was signed establishing July 8 (the day of remembrance of Peter and Fevronia) as the Day of Family, Love, and Fidelity.

People’s rumors have long revered Peter and Fevronia as intercessors of the people and associate their return with the onset of the «Golden Age.».

I reread their biographies online, and the associations brought back new memories. Their story reminded me, on the one hand, of an intricate thriller, and on the other hand, of a patchwork quilt, since the events described there seem fantastic and

somehow illogically connected (see Annex 1, «The Tale of Peter and Fevronia of Murom»).

I remembered that Rein had repeatedly shown the connection between the intricate events that happened to us and the events of their lives — not directly, but it seemed to be read between the lines.

One day, Rein returned after a fight; he was spattered with blood and soon began to complain of pain in his leg from the wounds… It got to the point that it became difficult for him to walk. And one day, Rein asked me to smear his wounds with my saliva. After that, he recovered.

Having fished this coincidence out of my memory, I was perplexed for some time. Rein never gave direct answers, apparently preferring that I draw my own conclusions.

3.3. Necklace from Seeds; Beads, and Lace

After that, I began to notice that the same picture was often repeated in my news feed — a necklace of seeds, beads, and lace. And another one — a yin-yang symbol — male and female principles, separated by a black belt.

Rein asked me to be careful. From our conversations, it was clear that he could not return because he was not free, and there was some kind of threat.

Necklace of seeds; beads and lace…

Again and again, this picture. What’s so special about it? I’ve definitely encountered this before.

«Remember,» I hear Rein, «you must remember something now.»

Yes, I remembered that I was holding in my hands disgusting homemade beads made of seeds, cheap red beads in a small transparent bag, and a piece of white lace wrapped in paper. What is this? This is some kind of gift…

Oh, yes, it was my ex-husband’s mother who gave me this strange set for our wedding anniversary. And she explained it as a folk tradition — when I asked her in amazement, «What is this?»

But what is the meaning of this?

«What else do you remember?» Rein asks persistently.

3.4. Vladimir: meeting beyond the bridge

I understand that I not only saw these objects, but someone said these words in my presence: «a necklace of seeds; beads and lace.» I seem to see something… Yes, there are several people; it seems I am surrounded.

Wow. This is an unpleasant situation. Now I know for sure that I am in Pärnu; only a few days have passed since Rein and I met. Rein was at work, and I decided to take a walk to the store, which was popularly called «beyond the bridge.» And this is what came of it.

I felt strange at the time — inhibited, as if under hypnosis; I felt uneasy, and I wanted to leave. The young man who dominated introduced himself first, without waiting for an answer from me to his question about my name.

It turned out that his name was Vladimir. He asked me what his name meant to me. It seemed that he managed to get me to talk a little.

«It’s made up of two words: „to own“ and „peace,“» he said. «The Vladimir Icon of the Mother of God, the city of Vladimir, my father’s name is Vladimir» — it turned out that I remembered this dialogue very well. «A person with such a name is bound to own something,» he continued. «Think about it; your father is bound to own something.»

I was not sure about my father’s possessions, but then he continued, «And what will happen to someone whose patronymic is Vladimir?» The question seemed rhetorical at the time, although I realized that it contained a hint of something large-scale in the future. And Vladimir asked me again to give my name. I thought that the situation was developing quite peacefully and gave my name.

«Phoenix,» Vladimir immediately said, «Moscow? An English special school.» I shuddered:

«Have we met?» The first word sounded almost like my last name, and I graduated from an English special school a year ago. And, yes, I’m from Moscow. It immediately turned out that Vladimir and his company were from Leningrad.

And now I have a note in my hand with his phone number and an invitation to have a good time that evening.

What happened next was a surprise, because suddenly Rein appeared behind me. He pulled me out of the encirclement and stood there, clearly figuring out what he could do if things didn’t go peacefully. The situation was tense for a moment. But everything was resolved quickly and easily.

At that moment, when I found myself near Rein, Vladimir, letting me go, said after me, «And a necklace of seeds; and beads, and lace…”, as if hinting at something in the past and a possible continuation in the future.

And so we parted. Rein looked at the note in my hands, said «throw it away,» and that he needed to go to work, and left on a bus that immediately flew up.

I remember that I was sitting by the phone that day, looking at the note with the number Vladimir had left for me. I had a free evening. I probably would have decided to call, but the invitation included a proposal to meet in the evening at the apartment of practically strangers.

Caution took over. And I didn’t want to take the initiative in such matters.

***

Neither at that moment nor many years later did I suspect that I had created with my own hands the very first brick in the wall of division and sharpened the axe of war with catastrophic consequences. I realized this only at the very end of my «internal» investigation.

3.5. «Germany-83»

Here comes August. They say that today is the time to gather the fruits of the deeds done during the year. The energy of the Universe has changed, and I feel, as if, relief. Energy waves bringing comfort envelope me. And I do not want to hurry. I try to just be, feel, and try to catch hints of positive changes from space.

A little something happened this morning. Suddenly I realized that this plot, which is now unfolding in the series «Germany-83,» is familiar to me. Rein told me this story, but I do not remember in what context and why.

A young man from East Germany is doing his military service; he has a girlfriend and a mother with fragile health. His life and future are simple and clear: to serve out his service, get married, work, raise children. And then, almost in an instant, he finds himself a spy at military headquarters in West Germany. And not at all by his own will.

According to the legend, he has an ideal biography. And there is only one «but» — he should be able to play the piano, but he can’t. And so before sending him on a mission, the Stasi breaks his fingers.

Here is also about what can happen to his family and friends if the spy suddenly does not obey…

4. Prophecies by the Sea

Then many years ago, Rein and I met the day after the incident with Vladimir.

We walked barefoot along the warm white sand along the seashore; the wind blew through our hair. The song I liked then, «Words don’t come easy,» was playing from the radio. The sea air tickled our nostrils; the dazzling bright blue sky, white cumulus clouds rushed overhead.

«What does this cloud remind you of?» Rein asks. A real winged serpent…

We were still under the impression of the incident that happened yesterday, and Rein said that Vladimir had a black belt (Rein himself was seriously engaged in karate).

Then he was silent, took my hand, lightly touched the back of my wrist with his lips, and said that he loved me. I was silent. Events were moving too fast. I lacked life experience. Rein did not demand a reaction or an answer from me.

Instead, he suddenly began to tell me about a book that, as I understood, would be written sometime in the future. And in this book, the events take place in the city of Phoenix in Arizona, which, in translation from the Indian, is «a small stream that gives birth to silver.» And the main character is a girl whose lover had to leave her so that she wouldn’t get hurt. The heroine’s friend Jessica was also there.

And Rein thought that this book would be useful to me in the future, as well as the song «Flightless Bird» from the movie of the same name, «Twilight.» He asked me how to translate the phrase «American mouth.» And I answered — literally «американский рот» ([amerikansiy rot] as it sounds in Russian) — which sounds strange. He said that his last name also contains this root «Rot» (from the German «red»). And yes, these strange associations, and there were many of them, now helped me restore my memory.

And so it happened, as he predicted. When «Twilight» appeared several years ago, I seemed to wake up. I watched the film over and over again. And the thought that a person can disappear in order to save the one he loves by his disappearance captured my consciousness, strengthened in me, and forced me to think about starting my own «internal» investigation.

4.1. Nata in Panama

While these events from the past are unfolding before my mind’s eye, new information is floating on the computer screen: a report from National Geographic magazine that in the town of Nata in Panama, scientists have found «burials of warriors, dressed from head to toe in gold and emeralds… One fine day, gold breastplates, pendants, and other rich ornaments floated down their river.»

This juicy picture immediately appeared in my imagination.

And then my memory throws out a new recollection, which begins exactly where the previous one just ended. We are still there — on the seashore. «Do you know,» says Rein, «when we are over 40, somewhere in Panama, gold ornaments of Indian chieftains will float up and float down the river. And there will be decayed fabric, beads scattered from it, and a golden seahorse.»

And now the news feed tells me about this event in all its details in the January issue of the magazine. I see documentary photos of that same golden seahorse and the scattered beads.

4.2. Love

In my continuing memory, at one point I suddenly find myself saying to Rein, «I love you too.» There was a strange feeling — as if we were standing still, although we were walking slowly, and the Universe and time were rushing past us like a whirlwind.

4.3. Peter and Fevronia

«Remember,» Rein suddenly asks me from a memory, «I told you about the Murom saints Peter and Fevronia? They persuaded God to let them die together — at the same time. Would you like that?» For some reason, I didn’t think for long. I just felt that it would be wonderful — right and logical — to be together in life and in death, and I answered, «Yes.» For Rein, these words seemed to sound like a password.

Now I think that perhaps this is how he determined then that he had met a kindred spirit, and that in fact my modern version wants immortality.

So that’s what those necklaces of seeds; beads, and lace were, which the pictures on the Internet so persistently reminded me of. And the treasure with gold jewelry that surfaced… I wanted to believe that the time of the first «present» had passed and a new era was beginning in my life — truly priceless treasures for me were surfacing in my memory.

However, as it turned out later, this is not all that I needed to remember about the necklace of seeds; beads, and lace.

4.4. Yin-Yang and Black Belt

But Rein seemed to want me to realize one more key point. It is the black belt that divides Yin and Yang. Who is Vladimir really? Why did the mother of my ex-husband present me with these things? What is the connection between her and Vladimir?

To do this, you need to have determination and power. A necklace of seeds, beads, and lace was presented to me by my mother-in-law, who personally arranged cooperation with the KGB for her son through her colleague when Danko was faced with the matter of army service.

If I recall that Vladimir, whom, as I believed, I saw then in Pärnu for the first time in my life, was already aware of the details of my biography, this, of course, suggests that he himself is a KGB officer. Oh, how much I did not remember and understand at that moment!

4.5. Intersection

By some inexplicable coincidence, it turned out that although I am Russian with a Polish great-grandfather and Rein is Estonian with a Russian grandmother, both of us have German roots. Rein’s father was German and spoke German to his son from birth, which, understandably, was not advertised.

At that time, the memory of the war of 1941—1945 in the USSR was still very strong and awakened strong emotions in people.

Easily interpreting our German surnames, Rein once joked that if he was a «red commander,» then I, according to my mother’s surname, was simply «young.» This is how he translated the surname «Junger.» And so, miraculously, «completely by chance,» we managed to intersect with a leading Soviet specialist in the field of Western intelligence.

4.6. Signs, premonitions, prophecies

After the fateful meeting, Rein began to say frightening things at times. It was as if a black cloud was creeping up on me in the middle of a sunny holiday, and I was paralyzed with horror.

«You see this line.» We are sitting on the warm white sand by the sea. Rein opens his palm to me, «This shows that I will disappear for many years, but then I will return.» My vision goes dark for a moment. At such moments, my brain simply refused to absorb the information. Perhaps I never fully understood these words. Or it was beyond my understanding.

«I will return…» Rein repeated these words more than once.

While we were together, I tried not to think about parting. And I must say, I did it well.

On the last day of my stay in Pärnu in the summer of 1983, Rein and I walked around the city, had dinner, danced, swam, and slowly walked home in the twilight.

And with each passing moment, the feeling of the inevitability of our separation with all the ensuing consequences became more acute and painful.

And like a mantra, the Italian song «Tornerò» accompanied us all evening — a melody in which the rhythm of the heart merges with the rhythm of the wheels of the train carrying me to Moscow.

Again, I see the departing train,

and you wipe away a tear. —

«I will return.»

How is it possible — a year without you?

Now you write:

«Wait for me.

Time will pass.

A year is not a century; I will return.»

How hard it is to be without you.

You are my life.

How much nostalgia without you!

«I’ll be back.»

«When you left, my loneliness began.

Everything around me reminds me of the beautiful days of our love.

The rose you left me has already withered.

And I keep it in a book,

Which I will never stop to read.

We will be together again.

I love you very much.

Time flies:

«Wait for me. I’ll be back.»

«Think of me; know — time will pass.

You are my life…

«I’ll be back. I’ll be back.»

And yes, tears smeared my mascara on his shoulder. And the withered rose was stored for a long time.

And 2 years of military service loomed ahead. However, at that moment I knew that we would see each other again soon enough, and so it was, and this consoled me a little.

It was our first and most romantic parting of many others. Returning to the prophecies…

«Remember my signs,» Rein asked more than once. And when I, perplexed, asked how I could NOT recognize him, he answered, «You may need to identify me sometime in many years, when we have changed.»

And once he said, «I saw my double — I will soon die.»

Now, after time has passed (present days), when our mystical communication with Rein has been going on for several weeks, I began to understand what he was doing and what the meaning of what was happening is.

At first I thought it was all to clear up misunderstandings that had accumulated over the years so that we wouldn’t «kill» each other when we met; I thought that Rein was about to return in the flesh.

Then I began to realize that it was much more complicated. There were serious reasons why we couldn’t be together. And it had something to do with my safety. There was a button for every person, if only there was power and levers of control. But until the very last moment of my memories, deep down I believed that Rein was greatly exaggerating the danger, and, unfortunately, I was wrong.

5. Retrospective

Rein’s goal now is to return my memory. And I have the opportunity to look at the events that happened again and to comprehend them, considering them retrospectively. But how did it happen that I forgot all the most important things?

5.1. Letters

«Think,» asks Rein, «where are my letters?» I jump up. Letters!

There were so many of them when he was in the army. We wrote to each other every day. I put his letters aside and then hid them safely when I married Danko. And now I’m on my way to my parents’ apartment to pick them up. But… I turned the whole house upside down — there were no letters.

Understanding nothing, I went back. I didn’t have a single clue. I didn’t know what to think. And then Rein’s words sounded in my head: «A package, another package.» What nonsense.

What does this have to do with it?

A moment later, I thought I remembered something. A large glass jar and packages… God, what am I doing?!

I have a stack of Rein’s letters in my hands, and I carefully put them in the packages, and then I put it all in a large glass jar and handed it to Danko…

I don’t understand. But after another moment, my consciousness clears up again…

The first warm spring evening of 1986, it’s already completely dark outside. The window is slightly open, and the noise of cars rushing along the highway below is heard. The fresh smell of emerging leaves can be felt. I’m already in bed, almost ready for sleep.

Danko says, «Come on, where are they?»

Where indeed? And why is he asking me about Rein’s letters?

It’s somehow unnatural…

I seem to see something unexpected — a large black bag is lying on the floor. I wonder what it’s doing here. I see myself getting up, heading towards this bag, but opening not it but the door of the closet next to it. I reach somewhere deep into the things and pull out a stack of letters.

I seem to be hesitating. «They need to be wrapped in something,» I say. «Let’s put them in a jar,» Danko suggests.

I agree, but I’m still hesitant.

A bag comes to hand; I put the letters in it and wrap them in another bag. Then it all goes into the jar, which I tightly seal with a lid and hand over to Danko. He takes a black bag (there’s something heavy in it already), puts the jar in it, says, «I’ll be right back,» and leaves.

And then I finally clearly understand what’s happening. There’s a shovel in the bag…

I still have an unpleasant feeling because it’s as if I was burying something alive. How did Danko manage to get me to give him these letters voluntarily?

5.2.KGB. HR department

Everything turned out to be as simple as shelling pears. One evening, a few days before the events described, Danko suddenly told me, «Rein, he’s a bandit.»

I perked up, «Why is that?»

But Danko simply continued: «Remember those KGB guys who approached you in the personnel department? This is connected with them. It’s dangerous for me that you keep his letters at home because I’m avoiding the army. The military registration and enlistment office is looking for me.»

It sounded strange, and the facts were connected in a strange way, but I didn’t want any trouble for Danko, and at that moment Rein was basically the same as a traitor to me. I promised Danko to think about how to hide the letters more securely.

Yes, I vaguely remembered some incident that happened to me when I was working in the HR department of the educational institute. It was in 1985, about a year after Rein disappeared. It was a cloudy, dreary autumn day, with a gray haze outside the window.

An amazingly oppressive, soporific atmosphere reigned in the office. KGB officers had been working here for several days in a row. This was common practice. In my mind’s eye, I remember piles of student files on the tables, many of which had already been looked through.

Today, there are only two officers here.

At some point, one of them, as if by chance, bumps into me in the middle of the room and quietly asks my name. I answer because I assume it is for work purposes. He introduces himself as Vladimir. «Phoenix,» he tells me, «Moscow, an English special school… and a necklace of seeds; beads, and lace…» Vague associations begin to emerge in my brain.

The story in Pärnu «beyond the bridge» was almost completely erased from my memory, but these words caught my attention. The image of Rein immediately surfaced in my mind. However, the oppressive, hypnotic atmosphere was so overwhelming that I could only stare at Vladimir in silence. Meanwhile, a note with a phone number appeared in my hand. I was no longer detained.

I try to break through the thickness of time to vague memories, but there seems to be a block in my head. It seems that it might sound like this: «I don’t remember; what I remember, I don’t believe, because it can’t be.»

When at some point in the HR department we are left alone with the boss, she says:

«Natasha, keep in mind that your file was reviewed by KGB officers. This is not good.» After such words, of course, I felt even more depressed.

But I was only 20 years old, and I knew absolutely nothing about the KGB.

On the one hand, it seemed to me that my life could be in great danger for some mysterious reasons; on the other hand, due to my inexperience, I simply did not know what to expect. And on the third side, a conversation with Vladimir, the same Vladimir with whom we crossed paths in Pärnu «beyond the bridge»… It seems that he had some special interest. He was clearly letting me know that not only did he remember his long-standing veiled «promise,» but that it had already been fulfilled to some extent.

That day, I asked to leave work early. At home, there was the same gray oppressive haze. I tried to organize my thoughts. I was twisting a note with a phone number in my hands. At some point, I couldn’t stand it, so I went to the phone and dialed the number.

I asked for Vladimir Tumanin; they told me that he was not at work at the moment, suggested that I call back later, and asked what to tell him… Was there any continuation? I don’t remember… Sometimes it seems to me that yes, there were other meetings. But it was as if a very talented hypnotist had carried out a thorough cleansing in my memory.

5.3. Treasure

Returning to the conversation with Danko, I really thought about how to hide Rein’s letters for a while. We didn’t have a dacha; it was impossible to move them to Danko’s parents’ apartment because the military registration and enlistment office would certainly look for Danko there, and they really did it.

The only option that came to mind, which is now clear to me was childish, was to temporarily bury Rein’s letters in the yard. And yes, on a late spring evening, Danko took a large black bag with a shovel and a jar with letters and went away for a while.

I remember asking Danko to mark the spot in the yard where he hid my «treasure» with a stone. For a long time, when I passed by, I noticed this stone under the tree with my eyes. But at some point I stopped doing that…

Now I have a feeling that my life has been turned inside out… And I am now an unknown to myself, because even what I remembered is only the tip of the iceberg.

And the starting point, no matter how you look at it, in my life before now has always been Rein. Before I met him, I lived with premonition. When we were together, I lived with our love. When I lost him… for a long time after that, if I wanted to be happy, beautiful, get married, or make a career, travel, or do charity work, then subconsciously all this was to show or prove to him, well, and to myself, that I can do all this without him.

However, returning to the varnishes of memory. Can a period of life be accidentally erased, not entirely but selectively, some important events?

I ask Rein about this. There are intricate letters on the screen of my computer. It looks like oriental script, written from right to left. The computer translator gives a confused translation. Reading puts me into a state similar to meditation; at the same time, my brain begins to dive into the memory storage and suddenly throws another episode to the surface.

5.4. Search

A few days after I gave Danko the letters, I remember clearly that it was early Saturday morning, and we were still half asleep in bed when the doorbell rang.

An unpleasant feeling that exactly what we feared was happening. Danko gets dressed and, before going out, suddenly thrusts something into my hand, «Hide this.» He goes out, and I remain sitting on the couch, looking at Rein’s old note. I don’t know what to do with it. I manage to throw on my robe.

Danko returns accompanied by a tall military man. I go out into another room. Mother is getting ready to go to the store, father, as usual on weekends, is going to the yacht club. I am left alone. And I hide the note behind the cuff of my robe.

The door to the room opens, a huge, thick military man comes close to me and seems to be hovering over me, pinning me in a corner. And again, I feel inhibited, as if under hypnosis. He demands that I give him what I am hiding. He threatens with a personal search. This horrifies me, and I give him the note.

Then the military man takes Danko away, as I was told, to the military registration and enlistment office.

Returning to the bedroom, I see a mess; the desk drawers are pulled out, everything is turned upside down — there was clearly a search here. Left alone in the midst of the devastation, I try to collect my thoughts.

I sort through the things in the desk drawer where my documents, notebooks, photographs, etc. are kept. I am afraid that something has suddenly disappeared. Automatically, I find an envelope with old letters and postcards from relatives and take out a photo of Rein from there. It is in place.

When Danko asked me to hide Rein’s letters and everything that concerns him, I practically swept everything I had into one bag — but this photo… I couldn’t bring myself to touch it…

Rein’s gaze from this photo pierced me through and through, as always. I’m so fussy about him, but he’s just a traitor… I vaguely remembered Rein’s words: «You’ll forget everything; everything will disappear; put my photo here (he shows me this place); here it will be preserved.» Soon Danko returns home and says that he is being taken into the army.

5.5. Amnesia

Late in the evening, we sit down to dinner. There is a surprisingly dirty feeling in our souls, as if something nasty has happened and we have gotten very dirty in it. I share my experiences with Danko. And he suddenly suggests, «Do you want to forget everything?»

Being young and inexperienced, I readily agree, believing that amnesia is a wonderful solution to my problems.

Danko shows me a bottle that has been standing on the TV for a couple of days. It is a tincture with ginseng root. This root in a transparent bottle resembles a human figure. «If you drink it, you will forget everything.»

We open the bottle and drink; I quickly feel my consciousness clouding over. I seem to see Danko pouring the contents of his glass into a flowerpot, thinking I can’t see. I continue to drink and drink this fiery liquid until I fall asleep.

The next morning I find myself in bed. And the first thing I see is my hand and a strange mark on it, as if from an injection. «What is this?» I ask Danko in surprise. He takes my hand in his and, echoing my surprise, replies, «I don’t know. Where did you get this?»

I turn my hand this way and that, examining it from all sides.

Then my attention switches, and I say with some pretense, «It didn’t work — I remember everything perfectly well.»

However… Now I wonder when exactly I stopped noticing whether there was a stone under the tree where I thought Rein’s letters were buried.

And this slightly reddened mark on my hand… Recently, I decided to figure out what it was. In solitude, I entered a meditative state and saw that Danko was giving me an injection with a needleless syringe when I was fast asleep. Which means that the tincture with the root was just a sleeping pill.

Now I know how I lost my memory — hypnosis, chemistry (scopolamine erases specifically selected memories), magic, plus my own desire. But I only don’t know how I got to this point…

5.6. Ex-husband: the beginning of the informant’s path, reasons, and consequences

A few years ago, Danko suddenly contacted me. He found me through the Odnoklassniki (Сlassmates) website. He offered to meet. We corresponded for some time. I was interested in how he was doing. At that time, I was still in a state of «amnesia.» We communicated very well on the Internet. And when Danko started talking about a meeting, I replied that I was worried about the issue of trust because he was an employee of the authorities.

After that, the tone of our conversation changed. Danko said that he had not been associated with the special services for a long time. It seemed that he hoped that I would never remember this. That’s when our communication stopped, although not long before that, he himself offered me help in memory of the wonderful things that were between us…

Our marital relations with Danko ended badly. Almost immediately after the search, his mother began to talk about Danko having to make a career in the army along the KGB line and developed vigorous activity in this direction.

I did not object. This abbreviation didn’t mean anything to me. I was only told that it would be better for Danko in the army to act this way and that it opened up certain prospects. In his letters from the army, Danko sometimes shared details about how this process was going for him.

But… It just so happened that Perestroika suddenly began in the USSR. Both on TV and in the press, materials began to appear that shocked me and touched me to the marrow of my bones about a previously unknown side of the KGB’s activities.

At some point, I realized that I did not want my husband to be associated with this. I wrote him a forthright letter. And a few days later, he unexpectedly arrived. I showed him these magazines with heartbreaking stories. He was lookeing at me somehow warily, maybe even frightened, and said almost nothing.

The next day, early in the morning, while we were still asleep, the phone rang. Danko answered briefly, got dressed, and silently left. Only in the evening did he tell me by phone that he would not return.

Not long ago, I tried to talk to Danko by dialing the phone number he left, but he hung up as soon as he realized who was calling.

What did Danko actually do with Rein’s letters which I gave him? Now I think that luring them out of me was his first KGB assignment. The search of the apartment was necessary to make sure that the cleanup had been carried out in good faith. And the note thrust into my hands…

They say that in order to become an employee of these secret service, you must rat someone out. Perhaps that’s what Danko did: first he put Rein’s note in my hands, and then he himself gave a tip on me.

I think that morning call was from the authorities. Apparently, Danko was told that an unreliable wife was not suitable for him, and a divorce order was given.

But this, of course, is only part of the truth, as it seen from my side.

In fact, it is scary to imagine what Danko had to go through. I think it all started with threats of problems in the army; there were fights before that. His face was forever damaged…

Most likely, Danko was assured that taking away my letters and everything connected with the memory of Rein was necessary for my own good and safety. Well, and much later, when we were in correspondence several years ago, Danko mentioned that in fact he was a sniper in the army and fought in Afghanistan, which I did not even suspect.

At that time, my letters to him in the army were sent to a postal address in Lithuania, in a small town near Kaunas. In those years, we were all very worried about the servicemen not ending up in Afghanistan. And as it turned out, we did not know what really happened.

He was also wounded. And, apparently, a divorce could have become Danko’s salvation from something more irreversible. After all, it is so easy to die in a war, and such a death does not raise unnecessary questions.

I bless you, Danko.

Forgive me.

I forgive you.

6. «It’s something occult.»

Life is full of paradoxes. Reading this story, a psychiatrist will suspect the heroine of schizophrenia. A psychologist will talk about a connection with her own subconscious.

As for the spiritual sphere, one Orthodox priest whom I respect very much said that what happened to me was something occult. He advised me to stay away from all this. But… «staying away» did not solve my problem. For 30 years of my life, I tried my best to stay away, but it did not work — the result was exactly the opposite.

6.1. Christianity and Kabbalah

Christianity kept me from understanding what had happened for a long time. On the one hand, it helped. I finally found a coordinate system, figured out what was good and what was bad. But after years, it became clear that this was only the top layer. Underneath it was a kind of trap. What looks like «good» can be, oh, so bad. After years, it turned out that making the right decisions requires great wisdom and life experience.

Thinking about the priest’s answer, I decided to dig into the word «occult,» because occultus (lat.) is «hidden,» «secret,» «concealed,» and God is the greatest Mystery. Among the various directions of occultism, Kabbalah is mentioned. I wonder: What is it?

I remember one of the tattoos on Rein’s arm. It is the Star of David — Magen David, or «Shield of David.» On his ring, he had the Tetragrammaton engraved. Rein predicted my future. And now that my memory has returned, I understand that almost all of the predictions came true. Plus our telepathic communication… What if we look, is it somehow connected with Kabbalistic knowledge?

I again remember the line on Rein’s palm and his prediction that he would disappear but return many years later. Rein tried to prepare me. But then I did not yet know that the predictions would come true. And Rein’s words were just words. When he disappeared, it was more logical to decide, as my aunt convinced me, that for him I was just a holiday romance that he did not want to drag out.

6.2. Fulfillment of prophecies

Now the picture looks different: premature demobilization from the army — a problem with documents at the station — disappearance — absence of communication; hidden conflict with an influential person — a search — seizure of letters; mismatch of signs — return of my memory — fulfillment of prophecies…

Yes, if I had uncomfortable questions, diagnosing me as schizophrenic could have been a «good» decision. I remember how masterfully my aunt manipulated me during that terrible time when Rein disappeared. I trusted her, although… at some moments I had doubts.

I trusted my grandmother completely, but it was at the moment of Rein’s disappearance that she got worse, which is strange. They say there are no coincidences. And it just so happened that my aunt became my confidant instead of her, although I subconsciously felt the difference between them.

Of course, I am describing the events from my perspective. It was only at the end of the investigation that I began to realize that perhaps what Auntie did had a downside, too. Perhaps she was driven by illness, perhaps by terrible circumstances that I don’t know about, or perhaps by my own karma from past lives, when perhaps I myself caused her similar harm. And now we don’t owe each other any more.

And now I am grateful to you, Aunt, because what happened taught me a lot.

7. On the last day

On our last day in Moscow before leaving, Rein literally insisted that we visit my relatives. For what? If, according to my aunt’s version that had been firmly established in my head for many years, he was planning to leave me…

Then, after seeing him off, I had to go back to my relatives’ apartment to pick up the civilian clothes that I had borrowed for Rein from friends.

I told my aunt about what had happened at the station — about the problem with the ticket and documents — but what I heard from her were absolutely devastating things: «He only needs you to have connections in Moscow — for business. He has a rich cousin with an inheritance in Pärnu. He is very interested in her. «Of course, I didn’t believe it, but when Rein stopped communicating, what did I think…?

My aunt told me fortune with cards: «And a long journey and a government house await him…» «A government house?»

— I asked again, frightened. — What is it? — Mmm — well, a train station, probably — she answered. Although now I suspect that a government house is an arrest, prison, blackmail. And then… probably training and intelligence. Otherwise, it is unlikely that anyone would waste time and money on replacing Rein with a double…

8. Doppelgangers

Double… At some point in our mystical communication, Rein asked me to compare the shape of the ear in his photo in his youth and modern photos under his name on the Internet — they did not match. Also, the person on the Internet didn’t have any tattoos…

And here is a double, as in the legend about Peter and Fevronia… Then a new question arises: who is the «Snake» in modern history?

There is something deeply personal here. Not just a kidnapping. And also a substitution.

A necklace made of seeds, beads, and lace is a clear sign of revenge. If Rein had simply disappeared, I would have looked for him and built my life based on this. But in the case of a substitution, my behavior is completely different. Everything looks as if Rein abandoned me. This has been sophisticated torture for many years — both for me and for Rein. This is super revenge. But for what?

In our telepathic communication, Rein tries to make me understand that I and my loved ones are safe, only while he is on duty and has not materially manifested himself in my life. And how else can you make a person do something that he will never do voluntarily, if not with the help of such intrigue, blackmailing with the safety of loved ones?

9.Kabbalistic Astrology

Some time ago I took the opportunity to talk to a Kabbalistic astrologer… I couldn’t find any answers anywhere; maybe there would be some kind of clue here.

I wouldn’t go to a regular astrologer. All my life, horoscopes have said that according to my Zodiac sign, I am Aries, but I couldn’t find any matches.

And I was taught that Christian horoscopes don’t match at all.

However, according to the Kabbalistic calendar, it turned out that I am not a fiery Aries at all, but a Pisces, a kind of delicate mermaid. In content, as they say, these are two very different things.

It turned out that the Kabbalistic calendar is flexible, therefore more accurate, and Pisces is the only month that can repeat twice a year due to the difference between the lunar and solar cycles (this happens 7 times in 19 years).

I was born in the month of Pisces-2, or, as the sages say, I chose to be born on this day, month, and year…

The amazing thing is that Rein was born exactly 13 months before me on the same day, in the month of Pisces-1. And yes, «Pisces» can predict the future, have amazing intuition, and adapt well to a double life…

We also talked about the woman who had a significant influence on my life, who was undoubtedly my aunt, and about the very strong man behind her.

At that moment, I was still far from understanding who it was and said, «Probably, it’s my uncle.».

The conversation with the astrologer was emotionally difficult for me…

At some point, I asked, «How am I connected with Vladimir? (He was born 13 years before me).» It turned out that we were connected in a past life. «He loved you, but then you preferred the one you lost in this life.»

10. Past Lives and Their Correction

This answer somehow fits quite well into the scheme of events from the lives of Peter and Fevronia. The Winged Serpent in this story is so in love that he does everything to be with his beloved and turns into a double of the man she loves. She cunningly coaxes the secret of his death from the double and passes it on to her husband, thanks to which the Dragon is killed.

«Perhaps she initially provoked the Serpent somehow,» I think, remembering my carelessness in my early youth, «and then this murder could have dragged karma along for centuries.»

If I knew for sure whether past lives exist and what exactly I did in them, I would sincerely repent and put an end to much suffering. And everything would fall into place.

I have counted quite a few parallels. And if it is really possible to have knowledge of past lives, then this explains what seems inexplicable from the point of view of logic.

Then the necklace-of-seeds-beads-and-lace, as a symbol of promised revenge for something in the distant past, acquires meaning. The Dragon makes a cunning preemptive strike — Rein and Natalia are separated so that it seems that not only there is no chance for them to reunite, but even to understand what actually happened is practically impossible, and the Serpent himself becomes the prince.

11. Relatives

11.1. Manipulation

Back in the fall of 1984… Of course, the plan to replace Rein needed the support of a relative to neutralize me, and my aunt was a good fit. It was she who advised me to try to talk to Pärnu on the phone before going to look for him.

There was no phone in Rein’s apartment, so the process was complicated — invite a subscriber by telegram to a call center. I hadn’t planned on such negotiations since Rein wasn’t home, but my aunt convinced me to try. And then a certain «friend» says that everything is fine, and I return the ticket, deciding to wait a little longer.

Time passes, Rein still doesn’t get in touch. I’m again eager to go to Pärnu. My aunt says strange things to me: «Of course, go; you will arrive all dressed up in a wedding dress, and you will sit in the entrance on the stairs under his door. If he needs you, he will come.»

Of course, there was logic to the last sentence, undermining Rein’s credibility. I’m waiting again. I’m sick. And then the new year 1985 comes, and I receive a postcard signed by «Rein»: «Happy New Year! Come spend the summer in Pärnu.» It was like a spit. And I was gullible… and I didn’t think about who actually sent me this postcard signed by Rein and for what purpose.

11.2. «Choose Life»

And in the summer of 1985, I stood on the balcony of the 9th floor and looked down — the thought that suffering could be stopped at once was tempting.

Then I thought that perhaps I should try to become happy again… Who knows, because I haven’t tried yet.

It would never have occurred to me to suspect my own aunt of anything. Among other things, my relatives helped me financially. However, there was almost always a fly in the ointment in this barrel of honey.

Most often, this was expressed in gifts for children, who immediately fell ill after meeting with relatives. This threw me off track, and of course, I did not think about Rein for a long time. Perhaps there was no evil intent, but this was exactly the sequence of events.

But Rein returns my memory. And the mosaic comes together in such a pattern that I abruptly stop communicating with my aunt.

11.3. «Don’t sign a will without reading it.»

Now the word «will» appears on my computer screen with suspicious frequency. Rein asks me, «Do you remember I warned you about the will?»

«Will? What will?» I wonder. At some point in the depths of my consciousness, something suddenly fluttered, cleared up, and floated to the surface.

«Don’t sign a will without reading it,» Rein warned me on one of the last days we were together. I remember, then, not understanding anything, I asked again, «Whose will? Everyone seems to be alive and feeling themselfs fine; no one is planning to die.» «It doesn’t matter whose. That moment will come someday. Don’t sign a will without reading it,» he repeated once more, looking intently into my eyes.

And now, before my mind’s eye, there is another episode that happened many years ago. My aunt calls me into my grandmother’s former room, where everyone is gathered — my cousin, uncle, and my aunt’s colleague Joseph, about whom she said that he is also a lawyer.

Joseph read out the will, according to which it turned out that my grandmother was leaving me her closet and dishes, and for aunt and her family her room. Then I was asked to sign this will.

I remember the phrase «don’t sign a will without reading it» was beating in my head, but… Then targeted pressure began.

My aunt suddenly started to rush me, and I tried to understand the text. The difficulty was that it was practically impossible to understand it because it was something completely indigestible, expressed in official legal language, and in very large quantities and in very small print.

I was confused. My aunt showed displeasure and hurried me more and more. In the end, I did what everyone in that room expected of me — I signed without reading it.

Some time ago, I asked my relatives to give me the opportunity to reread this «will.» But I did not receive a positive answer. Searches for the will in notary offices were also unsuccessful. I remember the astrologer saying that the will had been stolen. And according to lawyers, most likely, I signed a waiver of inheritance. Although, who knows, in reality it could have been anything…

At the same time, I asked relatives to help me find Rein, but they told me that they didn’t remember anything. And yes, after Rein disappeared, they somehow quietly, imperceptibly got rich…

Or maybe all these coincidences are accidental…

12. Levels of the Soul

Returning to the paradoxical nature of my criminal-psychological-spiritual-mystical-detective-political drama, it is interesting to note that the spiritual realm, with the help of Kabbalah, has revealed something else useful to me.

For example, telepathy.

Living beings can communicate with the help of wave vibrations emitted by the brain, which spread according to the same physical laws as sound, but in most cases, rational thinking does not allow us to grasp them consciously. It was these waves that made our immaterial communication with Rein possible.

But what was a complete surprise to me was that Kabbalists claim that the soul consists of several levels, and for some souls there is a possibility of partially connecting with the soul of another person on one of the levels.

Perhaps this could also be an explanation for what I felt when I received information from Rein — it was not from the outside, but I seemed to draw information from the depths of my soul, or, in other words, from the depths of the space that unites our souls.

13. «One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest»

The wise men say: It is very difficult, almost impossible, for two halves to reunite in this world. It seems that the whole world is trying to prevent them… By exploring our past responsibly, we make our way into the expected and unexpected reality of miracles.

If we take exclusively the criminal area of this story, there is areal freedom for a detective. The only bad thing is that, as luck would have it, there is no private investigation in Estonia.

This slowed me down for quite a long time, as did the fact that I do not know the Estonian language. However, I find the specialist I need. And soon I learn that none of Rein’s relatives are alive who could confirm or refute the information I have.

The first to die was Rein’s father in 1989 (his date of birth is strangely not even indicated on his grave), then his mother (her date of birth in 1928 is questionable; she was no older than my parents in appearance), and then in 2008 his brother Jüri died (it’s strange that he died at that age).

At the same time, the brother left no wife, no children (which he had, by the way), no traces on the Internet; he died in a closed institution; and he was younger than the tombstone says.

It is clear that the history of this family requires a separate investigation. A kind of «flying over the cuckoo’s nest»…

Meanwhile, the double himself is alive and well, heading an Estonian sports club and, until recently, an international corporation in the capital of Latvia.

Through unofficial channels, I receive a warning that no matter which government agency I contact with a request for an investigation, the answer will be the same: the information has been verified, the identity has been confirmed. I am not a relative and have no right to either an investigation or to receive information. This is a kind of dead end.

They explained to me that there is only one way to investigate what happened — to find another person who will confirm that Rein had tattoos or to find another photo of Rein with the same ear shape as in the photo I have. But all his loved ones died, as if on order…

14. Dragon at the Leningradsky railway station…

Our mystical communication with Rein ends practically on the same day as many years ago — his mission is accomplished. On September 22, the day of his disappearance, I go to the Leningradsky railway station in memory of what happened.

The same old blue train «Estonia» is standing on the tracks. In the memory, it was at this place that Rein says many years ago, «And the clock without hands awaits me…» And he adds another phrase that was completely incomprehensible to me at the time: «We will meet on the island.»

Then I see how this train disappears into the distance, and I can only guess at the events that happened on this train with Rein. I am not sure that he managed to go further than the Moscow region on it.

«Dear Lord,» I whisper, «help Rein return; help me find out what happened to him.»

I leave the building of the Leningradsky railway station and freeze in amazement — in front of me is a bulky sculptural composition of a Warrior on horseback, piercing a Winged Serpent with a spear… against the backdrop of the same gaping, mutilated clock «without hands.»

Both Rein and Vladimir are Dragons according to the eastern horoscope…

Annex 1."Through the Ages" About miracle workers and intercessors

1. Golden Age

«If a coincidence is repeated, it is no longer a coincidence.»

Since ancient times, people have linked the advent of the welfare era with the return of Peter and Fevronia.

Some years ago, when I studied at a theological institute, one of the students asked the teacher, «When will the Golden Age come?» The teacher replied that the Golden Age will come only if Peter and Fevronia return, so in his opinion, it will never come…

I clearly remember myself and the aunt, whom I invited to listen to an interesting lesson as part of a catechetical conversation.

Perhaps now, after writing the fourth part of the book, I would call the «sacrament» that is taking place here at this moment a significant «coincidence.» Now I know that my aunt never did anything by accident. For all the time I studied at a Christian institute, this topic was never touched upon again.

This means that both the aunt and someone from her leadership were aware of the probable possibility of the return of Peter and Fevronia.

It looks like my aunt wanted to keep this information well imprinted in my mind, and she did it.

Try to find something on the Internet about the coming of the Golden Age with the return of Peter and Fevronia, and you will find nothing, but just a few years ago it was a popular topic.

The situation resembles the famous fairy tale «Sleeping Beauty.» To prevent the princess from pricking her finger with a spindle, all spindles are burned in the kingdom.

So it is here.

2. Life of Peter and Fevronia of Murom

«Love is eternity. It makes us immortals.»

2.1. Intrigues of the Dragon

There is in Russian land a city called Murom. This city was once ruled by a good prince named Paul. The devil, hating everything good among people, sent a serpent to the palace of Prince Paul’s wife to seduce and debase her. And with his magic, the serpent made it so that the prince and others saw him as Prince Paul himself, but the princess found out the deception. Time passed, and the wife of Prince Paul decided that she could no longer hide her secret. She revealed what had happened to her to her husband, for the serpent had already debased her.

Prince Paul tried to think of what to do with the serpent, and finally he told his wife, «I cannot discern how I am to deal with this evil spirit. I don’t know any means of killing it, but we shall do the following: when you talk with him, ask him cleverly whether he knows how he is destined to die. And when you learn this, tell me, and you will not only be rid of this evil spirit and its debauchery, of which it is disgusting even to speak, but also in the next life you will gain the mercy of our righteous judge, Jesus Christ.»

The princess became gladdened by her husband’s words and thought, «It would be good if it would only happen so.» And when the serpent came, she began to converse slyly and cleverly with it about various things, keeping in mind her intentions. When it began to brag, she asked humbly and with respect, «You certainly know everything, and so you must certainly know to what kind of death you are destined.»

And the great deceiver was himself deceived by the deception of the faithful wife and unknowingly betrayed his secret, saying, «My death will come from Peter’s hand and Agric’s sword.» The princess, hearing this, concealed it firmly in her heart. After the departure of this evil being, she told her husband, the prince, what the serpent had said. The prince, hearing this, was unable to understand what was meant by the words «My death will come from Peter’s hand and Agric’s sword.

But since he had a brother named Peter, he summoned him and told him what his wife had learned from the evil serpent. Prince Peter, having heard that the Serpent named the one from whose hand he was to die, Peter, began to think about how to kill the snake. Yet he was confused by the fact that he did not know what the sword of Agric was.

Prince Peter had the custom of going alone to church to pray. Once, he came to the Church of the Elevation of the Holy Cross, which belonged to a convent beyond the city wall. There he was approached by a youth who asked the prince if he wished to see the sword of Agric. The prince, desirous of fulfilling his desire to kill the serpent, answered, «Certainly! Where is it?» And the youth asked Prince Peter to follow him, and he showed him a niche in the bricks of the altar in which a sword was lying.

Faithful Prince Peter took the sword and went to his brother, Prince Paul, and told him everything. And from that moment on, Prince Peter began to wait for the opportunity to kill this evil serpent.

Each day, he visited his brother and his sister-in-law. One day, after he had visited his brother, he went to the chamber of his sister-in-law, and there he once again found his brother, sitting with the princess. Leaving her room, he met a man from Prince Paul’s retinue, and he asked him, «I was just in my brother’s room and found him there. Then I went directly to my sister-in-law’s chamber, and again I found him there. How is this possible?»

And the man answered, «It is not possible, my Lord.» Prince Paul has not left his room since you left him.» He went to his older brother’s room and asked him, «When did you return to your room? When I left you, I went to the chambers of the princess without losing any time. And yet, when I came there, I found you next to her. I can’t understand how you could get there before me. Therefore, I left there and came back here, and now once again I see that you were faster than I in getting here. I don’t understand it.»

Then Prince Paul explained to Peter that he had not left his room or been with the princess during this time.

Then Prince Peter understood what had happened. «All this is the witchcraft of this evil serpent. In my presence, he takes on your image as his own so that he will not be killed by me. Brother, do not leave this room, for I am now going to your wife’s chambers to fight the evil serpent. I hope that I will be able to slay it with the help of God.»

Prince Peter then took Agric’s sword and went to the princess’ chambers, where he again found the serpent in the form of his brother. He struck it with the sword, and the evil spirit returned to its true form and died in convulsions. Before it died, however, its blood spilled onto Prince Peter. The body of Prince Peter became covered with sores and ulcers from this blood, and the prince became gravely ill. He was attended by many physicians, but none were able to cure him.

2.2. Healing of Prince Peter

Having heard that there were many physicians in the region of Riazan, Prince Peter told his servants to convey him there. Weakened by his illness, Prince Peter was no longer able to mount his horse. When he arrived in the land of Riazan, he sent all the men of his retinue to look for physicians.

One of the young men in his retinue accidentally came to a village called Charity (rus. Laskovo). In this village, he approached the gate of a house where apparently no one was at home. He entered the house and found no one. Finally, he entered a room, where he found a beautiful maiden who was weaving. Before her, a hare was jumping and playing about. The maiden said to the young soldier,

«It is indeed unfortunate when the yard is without ears and the house is without eyes.»

The young man didn’t understand the meaning of these words but asked where the master of the house was. The maiden answered: «My father and mother went to cry on loan, so as to pay their debt in advance, and my brother went to look into the eyes of death through his legs.»

Once more, the young soldier did not understand the maiden’s words, and things appeared strange to him. He again spoke to the maiden:

«I came to your place, and I saw you weaving and a hare jumping about before you. Now I hear strange words from your lips that I cannot understand. First, you told me that it is unfortunate when a yard is without ears and a house is without eyes. Then you told me that your mother and father have gone to weep on loan so as to pay their debt in advance, and that your brother went to look into the eyes of death through his legs.»

I have not understood a word that you have told me.»

The maiden smiled and said,

«Well, it is not too difficult to understand. You came into the house and found me sitting here weaving and dressed in house clothes. If we had a dog, it might have heard you and started barking. In such a case, the yard would have had ears. If my brother were at home, he might have seen you coming here and warned me. In this case, the house would have eyes. I told you that my parents went to weep on loan so as to pay their debt in advance. Actually, they went to a burial and wept there. Once death has come to them, others will weep after them, and therefore they weep now to pay their debt in advance.

As for my brother, I told you that he had gone to view death between his feet. Actually, he and my father climb trees and collect honey. He went just now to climb trees, and when he does so, he must watch his feet so that he will not fall. If he fell, it would be his death. Therefore, I said that my brother had gone to view death between his feet.»

The young man then said to the maiden, «I see that you are very wise. Please tell me your name.» Upon learning that the maiden’s name was Fevronia, the young man explained why he had come there:

«I have come here on behalf of my lord, Prince Peter of Murom. My prince is sick and covered with sores and ulcers. He received these afflictions from the blood of an evil serpent, which he killed with his own hands. Since that time, many doctors have treated him, but none have been able to cure him. Therefore, he ordered us to bring him to this land, for he heard that there are many physicians here. But we know neither where they live nor what their names are.»

Fevronia answered, saying, «The only one who can cure the prince is the one who would order that your prince be brought to this place.»

«Who would that be? What do you mean by these words?» The young man inquired. «The prince will lavishly reward the physician who will cure him. Tell me the name of such a physician, who he is, and where he lives.

The maiden then told him, «Bring your prince here. If he is sincere and humble in his words, he will be healthy.» The young man listened to these words and then returned to Prince Peter and told him in detail all that he had seen and heard.

Prince Peter then enjoined his retinue to take him immediately to this wise maiden, and they took him to the house where the maiden lived. The prince sent a letter to the maiden, asking, «Tell me, maiden, who is the man who can cure me? Let him cure me, and he will receive a large part of my wealth!»

Without hesitation, the maiden answered the page: «I am the physician who is able to cure your prince, but I do not desire any part of his wealth. However, if I do not become his wife, I shall have no reason to cure him.»

The page returned to the prince and repeated to him the words of Fevronia. Prince Peter did not take her words seriously, thinking that it would be impossible for a prince to marry the daughter of a man whose station in life was as low as that of one who collects honey. And he instructed his page to tell the maiden that she must cure him and that if she did, she would become his wife.

The page repeated these words to the maiden. She then took a small pitcher and scooped up some leaven from a barrel and told the page, «Prepare a steam bath for your prince, and, after the bath, spread this leaven over the sores and ulcers on his body. But you must take care not to cover all of the scabs but to leave one uncovered. And then your prince will return to good health.» The young man brought the ointment made from leaven to the prince, and the servants immediately prepared the steam bath.

While the servants were preparing the steam bath, the prince decided to learn how wise this maiden really was, for he had only the word of his servant in this matter. To this end, he sent her a small bunch of flax, asking that she make him a shirt, towel, and pants from this flax while he was in the steam bath, and if she were successful, she would thereby prove her wisdom.

A servant brought the bundle of flax to Fevronia and repeated the command of Prince Peter. Fevronia, without any hesitation, ordered the man to climb up on the stove and fetch down a piece of dry wood. When the servant gave her the piece of wood, she marked off a piece one foot in length and ordered the man to cut off this piece. When the servant had done so, she told him to take the block to his master and asked him to make from it a spinning wheel and a loom while she was combing the flax in preparation for making the shirt, pants, and towel.

The servant took the block of wood to Prince Peter and repeated Fevronia’s request. The prince laughed and said, «Go to Fevronia and tell her that it is not possible to prepare so many things from such a small block in such a short time.»

Fevronia had anticipated this answer and told the servant, «Well, if your prince is unable to make a spinning wheel and a loom from such a small piece of wood in such a short time, how can I, in return, weave a shirt, pants, and a towel for him from such a small bundle of flax while he takes a steam bath?» When the page returned to the prince, he was astounded by the wisdom of her answer.

Then Prince Peter went into the steam bath, and his servants applied the ointment over the sores and ulcers, leaving only one scab uncovered, as was ordered by Fevronia. When Prince Peter left the steam bath, his pains left him, and the next morning, all his body was clear and healed except for the one scab that had been left uncovered. He marveled at the curing powers of Fevronia. However, since Fevronia was the daughter of a low birth, Prince Peter did not wish to marry her. He did, however, send her luxurious gifts, but Fevronia would not accept them.

Peter returned to his native city of Murom with his body completely healed except for the single scab. Soon afterward, however, more sores and ulcers began to spread from the single scab that had not been covered by the ointment. And then his whole body was once again covered with sores and ulcers. Seeing that his affliction had returned, Prince Peter decided to return to Fevronia once again to undergo the proven treatment.

He returned to Riazan and Fevronia’s house, and despite the fact that he was ashamed for not having kept his promise to marry her, he asked her to treat him once more. Fevronia was not the least bit angry but said that she would treat him only if he decided to be her husband. This time, the prince firmly promised that he would take her as his wife.

The maiden then prescribed the same treatment as before. And when he was healed again, Prince Peter took Fevronia as his wife. And in this way, Fevronia became a princess. And both of them went to Peter’s native city of Murom, and there they lived extremely pious lives, closely obeying the commandments of God. Soon after their arrival in Murom, Prince Paul died, and Prince Peter became the sole ruler of the city.

2.3. The intrigues of the boyars

After a short time, Prince Pavel died. Right-believing Prince Peter, after his brother became an autocrat in his city.

The boyars, at the instigation of their wives, did not love Princess Fevronia because of her humble birth. They were influenced by their spouses and resented her. However, due to her charitable deeds, she was highly regarded among the common people who prayed for her.

One day, one of her attendants came to the noble Prince Peter and said about her, «Every time after finishing the meal, she leaves the table not according to rank. Before getting up, she collects crumbs in her hand as if she is hungry!»

Prince Peter decided to investigate the accusations and ordered Princess Fevronia to sit beside him at the table. After dinner, Fevronia picked up the crumbs, a habit she had had since childhood. Observing this, Prince Peter grabbed her hand and asked her to open it. To their surprise, they found fragrant myrrh and incense in her palm. From that day on, Peter never questioned his wife’s actions.

«Many times later, the resentful boyars came again to Peter and said, «Our lord, we want to serve you honestly and have you as our ruler, but we do not want Princess Fevronia as our princess, nor do we want her to rule over our wives. If you are to remain our lord, you must choose another princess. Fevronia can take her wealth and go anywhere she wishes.»

The gentle-natured Blessed Prince Peter did not get angry. Instead, he promised to talk with Princess Fevronia to know her opinion on this matter. The furious boyars, having lost all shame, decided to throw a feast where they got drunk and spoke arrogantly, sounding like loudly barking dogs. They even denied Fevronia’s miraculous gift of healing, which God had granted her not only for this life but even after death.

They began talking, «Our lady Princess Fevronia, the whole city, and all the boyars ask that you give Prince Peter back to us because we want him.»

Fevronia replied, «Take who you ask!»

The boyars all spoke at once, saying, «Our lady, all of us want Prince Peter to rule over us, but our wives do not want you to rule over them. Please, take as much wealth as you desire and go wherever you like.»

Hearing these words, Princess Fevronia told them that she would do as they desired, but she must ask them to do one thing that she desired. The boyars, who were not very clever, rejoiced and thought that they would easily rid themselves of her. So they pledged to do as she asked, and Princess Fevronia said, «I want nothing from you but my husband Prince Peter.»

The boyars deliberated for a short while and then said, «If Prince Peter will have it this way, we will not contradict him.»

They hoped that they would be able to choose another ruler if Prince Peter did not wish to break the divine commandment, for it is written in the Gospel of Apostle Matthew: «But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, who is not accused of adultery, and marries another, he himself commits adultery.» And Prince Peter, following the commandment of Jesus, gave up his rule over the city of Murom.

The evil lords prepared boats for Peter and Fevronia, for the city of Murom was situated on the river Oka. And so they went down the river in these vessels. On the princess’s boat was a courtier who, despite being accompanied by his wife, was tempted by evil spirits and began to stare at Princess Fevronia with shameful thoughts. The princess immediately discerned his evil thoughts and exposed them to him.

Approaching him, she ordered him to scoop up water from the river on one side of the boat and drink it. When the man had done so, she ordered him to go to the other side of the ship and do the same. When the man had drunk the water, Fevronia approached him and asked, «Tell me, did you find that the water tasted the same on both sides of the ship, or was it perhaps sweeter on one side than the other?»

The man answered, «No, my lady. The water tasted the same on both sides.»

Then she replied, «And so is the nature of all women. Why do you want to leave your wife and think about another woman?» The courtier then realized that the princess possessed the gift of reading the minds of men. He became afraid and gave up his evil intentions.

When evening came, they landed on the shore and began to settle down for the night. Prince Peter thought, «What will happen now if I voluntarily refuse to reign?» His wife, who was sagacious, perceived his doubts and comforted him, saying, «Do not grieve, my Prince, for merciful God, our Creator, who directs our lives, will never forsake us to misfortune.

That same evening, the servants began to prepare dinner for the prince. They cut down branches from trees and, using them to make a spit, put the kettle on. Princess Fevronia was walking along the shore when she stumbled upon the cut branches. Upon seeing them, she said, «Bless them, because before morning, these branches will grow into great trees with rich foliage.» And so it came to pass, for when the travelers rose in the morning, they found that the branches had indeed grown into great trees with rich foliage.

And when the servants began to load the boats, there came a lord from the city of Murom, saying, «My lord, Prince Peter, I come to you on behalf of all the courtiers of the city of Murom. They ask that you do not desert them, your poor orphans, but that you return as ruler to your native land. Many lords of the city have perished by the sword. Each, wanting to become ruler of the city, killed the other.

Those lords who have survived and all the rest of the people beg you to come back, my lord, and rule over us, and we will neither anger nor irritate you again. Some of our ladies did not wish to be ruled by Princess Fevronia, but now these ladies have perished in the feud. Those of us who remain alive do love her, and we beg you not to leave us alone your humble servants.»

Thus, Prince Peter and Princess Fevronia returned to the city of Murom, ruling according to the commandments of God. They always helped their people through almsgiving and prayers, treating all as if they were their own children. They loved everyone equally and disliked only those who were proud or exploited the people. Peter and Fevronia stored up their treasures not on earth but in heaven. They were true pastors of their city, ruling with truth and humility but never with anger. They provided shelter to pilgrims, fed the hungry, clothed the naked, and helped the poor in their misfortune.

2.4. The Repose of Peter and Fevronia

As death approached, Peter and Fevronia prayed to God that they would both die in the same hour. And they bequeathed that they both be put in one tomb, and they ordered to make two coffins from one stone, having a thin partition between them. Additionally, they both took monastic vows: Prince Peter became Brother David, and Princess Fevronia became Sister Euphrosinia.

And it happened that, shortly before her death, Princess Fevronia was embroidering a figure of the saints on a coverlet for the chalice of the cathedral. And a messenger came from Prince Peter, now Brother David, saying: «Sister Euphrosinia, I am ready to die, and I will wait only for you, so that we may die together.»

But Princess Fevronia, now Sister Euphrosinia, answered, «You should wait, my lord, until I finish the coverlet for the chalice of the holy cathedral.»

Then Brother David sent another messenger who announced, «I can only wait for you for a short time.» Shortly after, another messenger arrived, saying, «I shall soon depart this world. There is no time left for waiting.»

Princess Fevronia had just finished embroidering the coverlet, but upon hearing these words, she placed the needle in the coverlet and wound up the thread she had been using. She then sent a message to Brother David, saying that they would now die together. After praying, they offered up their souls to God on Friday, the 20th day of June.

After their deaths, some people decided that Prince Peter should be buried in the Cathedral of the Holy Virgin within the walls of the city of Murom, and Princess Fevronia should be buried in the Church of the Elevation of the Holy Cross outside the walls of the city. And they did so, saying that it was not appropriate for a man and woman who had taken monastic vows to be buried in the same casket.

The body of Prince Peter was placed in a casket and left overnight in the cathedral, while the body of Princess Fevronia was placed in another casket and put in the church outside the city walls. A tomb carved from a huge rock, intended as the resting place for Peter and Fevronia remained empty in the yard of the Cathedral of the Holy Virgin.

The next morning, the people went to the caskets of Peter and Fevronia and found them empty. The bodies of the holy prince and princess were discovered together in the tomb of stone, which they had ordered to be prepared for them. The people, not understanding the meaning of this event, once again placed the bodies in separate caskets.

On the following day, the bodies of Prince Peter and Princess Fevronia were once again found together in the tomb of stone.

Since that time, no man has dared disturb their holy bodies but has left them in their communal tomb in the yard of the Cathedral of the Holy Virgin, located in the city of Murom. Anyone who touched the tomb, where the holy relics of Peter and Fevronia lie, with faith always received comfort and healing.

Yermolai-Erasmus

1547

Part II. Back to the future. «Reach me»

«The Story of Desire»

“Savor the wine of youth;

from this cup you drink only once,”…

if you don’t know the secret.

“The greatest human weakness is their loved ones.

There are many ways to die,

but the worst is when your loved ones are taken away from you, » …

but you can choose not to give them away.

1. Family history

My grandfather was a Soviet German. I never saw him. He died in 1940. My Russian grandmother was left alone with two small daughters with German surnames. As I was told, they were saved from deportation and repression only because my grandfather died before the war of 1941—1945.

My mother suffered because of her German origin; she was bullied at work. Aunt, mother’s sister, did not suffer…

Dear Aunt, this part of the book is largely about us. I have many questions for you. I would ask you, «Why?» But I have already tried, and the answer was a mixture of truth and untruth, i.e., slander. The answer could have been, «I was forced.» I would understand that.

Rein disappeared — he was forced. But there is more to the actions. Perhaps: «I love you, and I am so sorry that this is not in my power.» But…

I compare, for example, the touch of hands. The warmth of Rein’s hands and… Remember when I was 14, and you seemed to be trying to help me tie my hair better, but instead, on the contrary, you untied it for the whole street to see at a very special moment.

However, this book is about miracles, and now that I have finished the fourth part, I know the answer. And I thank you for everything you have done.

2. Alone again

2.1. Help from the Zohar

Well, here I am, left alone again. Again, I could no longer communicate with Rein. But he completed his mission. The investigation mechanism through memory restoration was launched.

Days turned to months. When it seemed that I had tried all the ways available to me to find Rein and understand what had happened, I turned for help to Zohar, for whom, if you know how to use it, nothing is impossible.

2.2. Back to the Future

New finds, signs, evidence, and, most surprisingly, memories kept appearing. The memories would appear completely unexpectedly in a variety of places and circumstances. Usually as a momentary glimpse of a familiar picture, feeling, or mood. And then they would disappear. Previously, I hadn’t paid any attention to this, but now I would grab onto the elusive thread of memory and persistently pull on it. The memories would return from a variety of periods in my life. But now I was almost drowning in what I had discovered about my 14-year-old self in the past.

3. «Sleeping Beauty» -1

3.1. Plan

It was a wonderful July summer in Pärnu, the peak of the season, and vacationers were having a blast, enjoying the sea, the beach, the sun, the warmth, and the cozy resort town.

The original plan for the summer was as follows: we are going to Pärnu with two families. Me with my parents, and my cousin with her parents. Then in a month, my parents and uncle are leaving for Moscow because their vacation will be over by then, and they will have to go back to work. Our grandmother is coming to replace them. And my cousin and I are left in the care of my grandmother and aunt for another month.

3.2. House on Pardi Street

That year, we rented rooms in a private house, wonderful in all respects, on the seaside street of Pardee.

From the outside, this house was unremarkable, but what was happening inside… It seems to me that it was a special interdimensional world where the mystery of karma took place that summer as a result of the reincarnations of its inhabitants.

The house was two storeys. My parents and I lived in a room on the first floor with windows looking out onto the street. Here I read «War and Peace» by Tolstoy, a program work for the 9th grade that we were assigned for the summer. And the cousin’s family settled on the second floor. A separate narrow, steep staircase led up to them, which began in the hall-living room.

And, oh, how could I not mention it? In the shaded hall with windows facing the courtyard, there was a fireplace — right opposite the stairs. Next to it was a coffee table. On it, on black marble with white veins, was a golden lizard, topped with a crown. Neither give nor take — the Mistress of the Copper Mountain. This lizard attracted me; I often looked at it for a long time.

Here on the table, on the fireplace, everywhere freshly cut double pink, white, burgundy huge peonies, like foam, in vases spread their intoxicating aroma throughout the house. In this hall reigned its own mysterious atmosphere. The windows of the cousin’s family room looked out onto a charming inner courtyard with a miniature pond, framed by ferns and rounded stones, sparkling with mica in the blinding sun, and with an apple orchard, where it was so pleasant to spend time on warm summer evenings.

3.3. The show is starting

It seems that until I write out the whole story to the end, I will not be able to calm down.

So this story began to develop rapidly from the moment when, following the plan, my parents left for Moscow a month later, leaving me with my cousin, aunt, and uncle.

It was expected that in a few days my uncle would also leave, thus freeing up space for my grandmother.

But… suddenly we received a telegram from my parents that my grandmother had unexpectedly become ill and was NOT coming.

Poor grandmother, it seems that her health deteriorated for a reason. After all, if she had come to Pärnu that summer, as planned, the story described below would not have happened. My uncle also could not stay; he had to go to Moscow for work. And I stayed in Pärnu for another month with my cousin and her mother.

All my life I remembered only this.

What actually happened — my memory recently splashed out on me in small portions over the course of several days.

3.4. As if by chance

I’m not sure in what order it’s best to describe the events. I’ll try chronologically.

Since in those years in Pärnu there were interruptions in the hot water supply in the summer, we sometimes went to the sauna. The sun was already setting and gave a lilac-golden hue to the quiet and deserted (because everyone was by the sea) Posti Street, along which we (me, my mother, cousin, and aunt) were returning home, relaxed and peacefully, washed to a shine, chatting and exchanging jokes.

My problem at that moment was that my damp, knee-length hair was gathered on top of my head and tied with a scarf. This bun was heavy and slowly slid down. The scarf kept getting skewed, but I, obedient to my mother, kept it in the right place and from time to time complained about this inconvenience.

Behind me in the distance, I heard a noise, like from a turned-off car engine, and a conversation. Around the same time, my aunt, as if deciding to help me, began to straighten the scarf and hair on my head. I remember her hand well, according to my, perhaps subjective feelings, confidently purposeful, strong, and rather rigid. As a result of this machination, the scarf completely slid off my head, and my slightly damp, knee-length hair was free.

I expressed dissatisfaction because I thought that I looked wrong this way, from my point of view, although, on the other hand, it was much more convenient. Mother was generally afraid that I would catch a cold, although it was 25 degrees outside, if not more.

At the same time, the sound of a slowly approaching passenger car and slightly excited male voices were heard from behind. The car overtook us unhurriedly, and I saw a brand new pistachio-colored «Zhiguli» shining in the rays of the sunset and young people talking and looking at me in it. Mother made a menacing face, and they thought it best to quickly turn the corner onto Side Street.

I remember this episode well.

What I would like now is to know when all this «mess was initially brewed.» At that moment or even earlier?

3.5. Test dress up

The next one in chronological order would probably be this episode. The parents have left. We have not yet received a telegram about Grandma’s illness. And I live together with my cousin, aunt, and uncle.

A gentle, calm sea, hot white sand, swimming to your heart’s content.

But it’s time to go home and have lunch. To change our wet swimsuits, my aunt and I climb into one cabin because there is a line for each of them on the beach. We’re talking. And I catch my aunt’s short, but intent, appraising gaze. More precisely, not on myself, but rather on a certain naked part of my body. And I still remembered this, too, although I didn’t attach any importance to it at the time. The only thing was that I felt uncomfortable for a moment.

3.6. Why do women go to the women’s beach?

And the next event happened on the same day after lunch. Aunt announced that it would be useful for her and me to go to the women’s beach and sunbathe topless there. I couldn’t understand why we needed this. «Why?» My aunt inspiredly and eloquently convinced me. «All women try to get rid of the marks that remain from the straps of a swimsuit while tanning. So you put on an open dress, and there are white stripes. And if you’re topless, you’ll have an even tan.»

I stubbornly didn’t understand why I needed this because I didn’t have such a dress. But my aunt insisted; she definitely needed it. Although I didn’t know such a dress from her either. And because of the shortage in those days, buying something new, fashionable, beautiful, and the right size was a real miracle.

But the aunt said that she was going to alter one of her things in the near future, and she even opened the suitcase and showed it.

I continued to doubt it because she didn’t have a sewing machine. But my aunt assured me that Lutia, the mistress of the house, would be happy to provide it. Somewhere at this stage, the matter stalled. I remember Lutia even showed me a beautiful foot-operated German Zinger sewing machine, which stood in one of the distant rooms.

3.7. Why do men go to the women’s beach?

However, based on the results of the debate, it was decided that the next day my aunt and I would go to the women’s beach to sunbathe. Aunt put on a wig for this occasion (I remember I kept trying to understand why she needed it on the beach and whether it was hot in it). And finally, we lay down between the beautiful Baltic dunes, where here and there other topless tan lovers were sunbathing in pairs or alone.

With my back exposed to the hot sun, I read «War and Peace» through the dark glasses that my aunt had just given me. These were her own signature fashionable Polaroid glasses. I covered my chest with a towel. As I got deeper into reading, at some point I heard strange, approaching sounds.

Oh, it was clearly a woman’s squeal and something else. Male laughter. Two young men walked straight through the women’s beach towards the sea and laughed with all their might, exclaiming, «Oh, girls!» when, first behind one dune, then behind another bush, the squeal of a disturbed lady was heard. However, they did not give free rein to their hands.

At some point, they were right next to us. My aunt jumped up as if in surprise, loudly exclaiming, «Oy-oy,» and as if inviting me to follow her example. I pressed myself deeper into the ground and blushed. These young people seemed vaguely familiar to me. This is where the adventure actually ended.

I just asked my aunt in bewilderment, «Why did you jump up? You could just lie there and lie… ” To which the aunt said pleadingly, «Just don’t tell anyone; otherwise, I’ll be scolded.» To which I pensively agreed.

3.8. Poor relative

A few days later, early in the morning, the aunt receives a telegram that the grandmother is ill and that she will not come.

Auntie’s eyes become moist. She asks Lutia for permission to call Moscow on her home phone.

Grandma suddenly became ill, and she is now afraid to go to another city. The aunt is completely depressed all day, worrying about her mother’s health. I’m worried about my grandmother and that I may have become a burden to my aunt.

I remember the image of Sonya from the book «War and Peace,» who was treated well but as a poor relative. Vague parallels flash through my mind.

My parents also calculated options for how to take me to Moscow. But nothing worked out. It was almost impossible to get tickets to the resort and back to Moscow during the peak season in those years. And it was impossible to leave my grandmother alone. And my aunt told them not to worry; she would take care of me.

3.9. Thirst for Solitude

When my uncle left us, the three of us stayed to live in a small room on the 2nd floor of a mystical house with a window overlooking a pond in the yard.

I loved looking out that window when the setting sun painted the roofs of the neighboring houses golden-pink and lilac twilight fell on the small, quiet yard with a pond surrounded by green ferns. At times, there was an incomparable, mysterious silence there. I specially tried to choose moments to be alone there.

At first, after everyone left, we lived in some tension, which was explained by worries about my grandmother’s health and how we would cope here alone.

Soon, the situation stabilized and eased. My grandmother felt better. And we adapted to the new conditions quite well. True, I always felt a lack of the solitude that I loved so much. And I kept asking my aunt to let me stay home alone. My aunt kept not agreeing.

3.10. Preparation

And then, suddenly, I finally got lucky. My aunt announced that it was time for me to wash my hair. And this was the very reason to stay home and dry it. It was best to do this during the day, when it was hot, so that it would dry faster. Well, and it is clear that at this time everyone would go to the beach.

This hair washing also stuck in my memory. You could even say that a certain image appears before my eyes every time I wash my hair, to this day.

My aunt was, in my opinion, in some kind of furiously responsible state and was worried about washing my hair perfectly. There was no hot water; it had to be heated specially in a bucket on the stove. She even gave me the command to pick nettles in the yard, which, by the way, burned me, to give my hair shine (we did not even think about French shampoos and balms at that time).

Then I combed my long, wet hair, which was a difficult task — one might even say a trial in the absence of conditioners to make this process easier — and my aunt took pictures of me and my cousin.

These photos have survived to this day. There, I deliberately hide the ends of my hair so that they don’t look so long in the photo.

In fact, hair, from an energetic point of view, is an antenna that allows you to read a lot of information from the subtle levels of the universe. And yes, I caught a lot of messages that cannot be conveyed in words, as I now understand, thanks to my hair. But in addition to hair, an experienced head would be useful, and at that time, unfortunately, I was sorely lacking this goodness.

3.11. A spoon of tar in a barrel of honey