Бесплатный фрагмент - #Revelations. Humorous collection

Book one. Revelations behind the wheel

REVELATION #1

There is a legend that if you stroke the dashboard in winter and gently touch the steering wheel, the car will start easier.

REVELATION #2

No one is as surprising as a pedestrian who calmly went out onto the road from behind a bus while talking on the phone.

REVELATION #3

Nothing raises self-esteem like waiting for a bright future near an unregulated pedestrian crossing.

REVELATION #4

The real driver only turns left when the green light comes on.

REVELATION #5

The seventies is such a professional with a sign on the glass who holds the steering wheel with only one hand, and not turn on the turns is his privilege.

REVELATION #6

Unbelievable, but true: under “give way” a more expensive car has an advantage.

REVELATION #7

The more limited the visibility of the road, the more likely someone is there.

REVELATION #8

A real driver always has a self-tapping screw in stock. In the tire. On the road.

REVELATION #9

The number of outbids is directly proportional to the kilograms of putty on the car body.

REVELATION #10

If you really want to, then you can turn left from the extreme right lane.

REVELATION #11

A real pedestrian is a person who walks slowly, wearing headphones and a hood, outside the pedestrian crossing, without looking around.

REVELATION #12

After installing a thin spare wheel, the priority vehicle speed is set to at least 100 km / h.

REVELATION #13

You don’t need to sleep for several hours to conquer sleep. It is enough to open all the windows and turn on the music at full volume.

REVELATION #14

The cheaper the car, the louder the music plays in it.

REVELATION #15

The closer a pedestrian is to a puddle on the carriageway, the faster you need to drive on it.

REVELATION #16

If you are driving around the yard in the evening, it is not necessary to turn on the light. Enough dimensions. Better yet, step on the pedal, because all parking spaces can take.

REVELATION #17

A real driver under the sign 60 always drives 68 km / h.

REVELATION #18

After washing, the car most of all attracts the attention of birds.

REVELATION #19

Foam and wood are the best materials for repairing thresholds.

REVELATION #20

The cheaper the car, the more accessories.

REVELATION #21

A young driver is such a professional for whom turning always gives an advantage.

REVELATION #22

It doesn’t matter how much on the speedometer. The main thing is to have time to pass the flashing traffic light.

REVELATION #23

An unregulated pedestrian crossing is a podium where you can walk as slowly as possible. From the hip. Or you can even suddenly stop and go back.

REVELATION #24

An outstretched hand of a pedestrian can stop even a loaded truck in an instant.

REVELATION #25

You shouldn’t ride a sport bike less than 200 km / h. So that without suffering.

REVELATION #26

You don’t have to look in the rearview mirror to open the door and get out of the car. The truck will instantly stop in front of the opened door.

REVELATION #27

A real racer turns on the high beam in revenge, because a real racer does not blind anyone. Racer who teaches others on the road.

REVELATION #28

The earlier the driver turns on the turn in the field of view of the inspector, rebuilding to another lane, the more likely it is that he will be stopped, “pulled out” even from behind another car.

REVELATION #29

If the design feature of the car allows you to overcome sections of the road with large puddles, then its speed should be directly proportional to the number of participants in the oncoming lane.

REVELATION #30

A real driver always makes current repairs in his car himself. And he does it first, and only then reads technical literature.

REVELATION #31

The best toning of car optics is nylon tights for women. Both budget and tinting level can be chosen.

REVELATION #32

A bus leaving a stop must always be cut.

REVELATION #33

The more people are at the pedestrian crossing, the more slipping it is necessary to get under way at a yellow traffic light.

REVELATION #34

The earlier the car was painted, the more stickers it has.

REVELATION #35

If there are no mud flaps on the car, and the asphalt is all wet, then the ideal solution is to keep someone on the tail at all times.

REVELATION #36

If you are driving in the far right lane, you can turn around anywhere. Without turning on the turn signal. With the advantage in movement.

REVELATION #37

No matter how many meters to the pedestrian crossing, the main thing is to cross the road faster.

REVELATION #38

The norm is when a very brave cyclist without a protective uniform rushes to the far left side of the road.

REVELATION #39

Sometimes a speed limit sign is best placed on the sidewalk. Why does a cyclist need a road if there is less bandwidth.

REVELATION #40

Some drivers are so harsh that they put on the brakes to get a sudden acceleration.

REVELATION #41

Almost every driver chooses a bigger car. He only curses the car when he’s looking for a parking spot.

REVELATION #42

Approaching the pedestrian crossing, you can see a lot of interesting things. For example, a cyclist who jumped out onto the road. Who does not look around. Headphones. But the most interesting thing is that he holds the phone with one hand.

REVELATION #43

They say the ideal car color is silver. The car is clean in the rain and heat. But the best color for the driver is black. Spray paint and all questions are closed.

REVELATION #44

If the driver of the car from the side waves his hand, then the driver of the car in front will certainly slow down.

REVELATION #45

The irony is when the car sales manager makes himself the best car consultant.

REVELATION #46

If someone leaves with a secondary one, then it is imperative to accelerate as quickly as possible, and then actively honk.

REVELATION #47

If the near one shines weakly, then no matter what, we turn on the far one, and we go further for our pleasure.

REVELATION #48

If one of the headlights is cloudy, then the car is almost from the passenger compartment, and definitely not bit, and not painted. And there is no need to look at the spars. Bent wing — tuning. Exclusive. And anyway, you just want to drop the price of the car. Look: what shagreen! By the way, the tank is almost full. Do you take it?

REVELATION #49

If you are going to drive with a trailer, then it is not necessary to connect the lights. You go during the day. Along the edge of town. Everything will be okay.

REVELATION #50

If you really want to, you can go straight at the roundabout.

Book two. Revelations about hJUmoRISTs

REVELATION #1

#hJUmoRIST always knows everything about everything. This superman knows all the regulations and laws by heart, and reads court decisions to children at night.

REVELATION #2

#hJUmoRIST has all specializations. He understands the administrative process, knows the civil code by heart, he knows all the nuances of criminal law, and in the economic process he is generally a god.

REVELATION #3

#hJUmoRIST has such connections that he only needs to call, and any legal issue will be closed at the same minute. He knows all the judges, prosecutors, who works when, and who has friends where.

REVELATION #4