***
It’s like I was made
For all of you to speak.
A little misunderstood.
Slightly overshadowed by your pressure.
But do not call to leave life with me.
In my eyes you see only peace.
A patchwork to cover the way
And forget…
And I will walk on it.
In my dreams and thoughts all.
I’m in this world for myself.
***
Midnight light
My thoughts will leave my delirium.
I’ll remember our glances,
I’ll take the keys, the outfits.
I’ll decorate my head with a flower
I’ll cover my world with the ceiling.
I’ll let the wind carry me away
To give answers to the light.
I’ll hide in a dark book
And let them scream about what they can’t see.
When you’re done flipping through the pages.
You’ll understand me now
For I am alive…
***
With chapped lips,
With salty cheeks.
I’ll finish it all illegally.
There’s no truth in other people’s answers
There’s no truth.
The cold light
Envelopes the body
And sharp outlines.
«To you, hello,
As in a moment of farewell.
Close your eyes
And be silent
Your train
Waiting for you on your journey…
***
In moments of smiles she called,
And then sat sadly alone.
Waiting for a cab, counting the minutes.
I put out one by one, reliving the morning.
I was so nostalgic with the lights…
I’ve been waiting for a taxi, I’ve been counting the minutes.
I used to run and believe in miracles.
Now closing in,
I don’t seem to be alive.
Only in my own world
In peace I was,
But I let myself die.
Drops of life of despair fall,
I’ll be filled with pain
And say goodbye.
***
Whatever the pain is,
I will go through it myself.
Life’s answers.
Alone with myself I’ll scream and sob
But I won’t show it in the morning
I’ll keep a box of wounds
A box of wounds
With a fuzzy smile I’ll open all the doors,
And at night I’ll scream wildly in my bed
I’ll walk on the roof of life
And I’ll only dream of keeping myself safe
So that I don’t lose all meaning
To pick it up at the drop of a hat
I will walk in the rain again,
But this happiness is limitless.
Don’t walk away from the days of life
I have only you.
***
And that’s what we all went through all this for?
The minutes were senselessly lost
And days, hours, forgotten as if…
***
To walk and not to dissolve.
To breathe and not be forgotten.
To lose my thoughts.
With a new pain in bed.
Scraps, scraps!
Sticks poked at us.
How quickly to leave
Not to call for a ghost.
Wrapped in wires
And cry again…
There’s two of us left
Who will we meet?
Distance is meaningless.
There’s no point in being bored
***
There is no advice without a reason.
A hundred girlfriends swirled that summer.
Only you lost yourself.
No question, who am I now?!
Once again the details of life are hidden,
Everyone cried, «You’re different!
Pouring down your hot throat
The remnants of what you remember when you’re alive.
In the bulkhead, as in a play.
Braided by dreams fluttering.
sharpened all the things you loved
Only my heart has already forgotten.
***
We can’t hear each other,
We have forgotten that we are breathing.
And through the open windows
I wanted to leave.
I am broken myself,
And it won’t be brave.
I walk as if blind through life.
Under the lonely moon,
I’m always with her suffering.
By the salt water
I will open the dawns.
By the seals of the forgotten
I will only hear the advice
To leave this world
As if forgetting everything
I’ll tell the emptiness!
I miss the old me…
***
Waiting, waiting
I’ve been sketching
My answer
It’s the answer of an asshole.
The vase is broken
There’s water running down the glass
Like salted blood
All the things I didn’t burn
I’ve never experienced
The tenderness of fire
No more wind
The earth is full.
***
I told you!
That’s how I was greeted.
With two words.
Oh, Mama, what’s wrong with us now?!
Oh pain, oh heart,
The sorrow, the stones.
How can you scream
When your hand is on the bathtub
And how to hurry
When you feel
You’re already in the dark
You were talking
But not about me
***
She’s talking about love again,
You’ve forgotten your loneliness.
Aren’t you tired of saying goodbye to him?
Who are you lying to?
You were just giving yourself away.
And now,
Take your misery
I see you every day
But my thoughts
Are just a punishment
You’ll be glad
To see what you’ve kept
But he won’t remember.
Sweetheart.
You’ll be alone again.
***
And he looked on indifferently,
I only wanted to know the truth.
The powder fire is burning again,
It’s like we’re alone
And I’m the only one who sees you
And I see you off and I miss you.
And you’ve forgotten
When you loved me
I accept what I know.
But I forget everything else.
It’s time to take a step
To the winds
When you hurt me
I’ll notice.
***
I sprinkle salt on my wounds,
And I’m in tears
And I suffer
And I’m willing to kill myself.
Now I see it!
It’s all in vain
The heart will forget.
I forgive.
I’ll feel better
I let go.
***
I never took offended
Did you?
Yes!
And rose again!
And fall to pieces.
And forgave!
And I called!
I was amazed
It pains me to see
There’s another life here
And I don’t know
The word grief.
But I’ve experienced
All I can
I’ll finish myself
You make me feel like I’m alone.
***
In the fervor of the wind,
Of unbridled days
We have forgotten
Who in the world of men
Ruling over us
And with our hands clasped
We answer-
That our friend
Only fear.
***
And loyalty again
And tears of forgiveness,
Who are you gonna tell?!
I don’t believe it!
I forget the sorrow
And love
But I suffer so much!
Crucified like two wings
Scream, run!
I’m alone again.
Spreading the ashes,
The muses are gone.
Don’t wait for me.
Another fate.
***
Minute sounds
And laughter…
We’re apart
That’s all she could think about.
She couldn’t wait.
I’ll be gone!
I’m used to being alone.
***
I squeeze my lips until they bleed!
And it doesn’t hurt.
I’m inside.
I smile and write.
I don’t want to do this at all.
I trample everything around me.
When the pain goes away
And I walk away.
I pick up the pieces of myself
All the things I leave behind
I forget
I go round and round again
I can’t let go
I’ll walk away.
***
Say you love me.
Say it all without words.
Tell me we can do anything.
Tell me what love is.
Tell me I’ll live
Tell me I know
Tell me what I want to hear.
Tell me I’ll forget.
Say it’s not a problem.
Say I’ll see the sunrise.
Say I’ll be forever…
***
And you’re at the door again, and he’s on the doorstep.
Why don’t you understand?!
You and I are not gods.
For our moment together.
I’ve already paid for it in tears.
I’ve kept all the things
That I can’t hide from everyone.
But tell me.
What am I to you?
***
Don’t you know what pain is?
What role will you play forever?
What fairy tale will you stop believing in?
Where the light will flicker
And you’ll be tired of looking for it.
Where shall I call you?
You don’t understand me anymore
And the meaning of my words
You won’t find
You’ll leave your life behind
Making up phrases
Hello sadness
So sad,
Were you waiting for me?
***
I won’t forgive you.
I won’t forget you.
I’ll let you go.
I won’t be with you.
***
I don’t know
How I’m gonna live my life
I don’t know
How I’m gonna forget my thoughts
How I’m gonna watch the water
Running down the glass
How am I gonna think?
How am I gonna dream?!
How do I believe
In what I love so much?
How do I know
When I’ll come again
When the gap is gone
Between us
I’ll call
Let’s write in our minds
We used to be together
What’s become of us?
***
When you’re asked to say
— Don’t speak
When you’re asked to live
— Don’t believe.
When you’re asked to trust.
— Run away
***
And suddenly forgive
How to miss the moment
The rhythm of life won’t let me stop
I’m leaving again
But my heart roars
In moments I’ve forgotten
Screaming, it’ll pass!
I don’t believe it! I don’t want to hear it!
But a voice calls!
Moments, thoughts
I knew it all!
But how it hurts so much!
For myself
I lost.
***
I believed, I thought!
That’s how I left.
In a new handwriting
I began to write
But I left the stem
And a stamp.
Why do I need all this?
I’ll miss you.
***
There’s so much in them.
Too bad they only suffer.
They remember their fears and dream again.
Unwanted before the light.
We were together.
We met each moment
Like drops
reflecting the light.
Run for it!
You still have your dawn.
***
I can’t hide my tears every night.
I’ve never been able to understand.
What does it all mean?
I’m tired of being confused by these days
You’re there
But without me
I miss you unrequited and alone.
Regret, anger and forget in the morning.
That’s how time passes
I’ll never know the final answer
I’ll say it out loud I miss you!
And in my mind I’m in pain
It’s time to forget
I’m letting you go.
***
I don’t want to look for reasons
I don’t want to read objections
I don’t want to whisper the life of time
I don’t want to forget
I don’t want to wake up
I’ll let myself go.
We had to part.
***
And step by step silence.
And me and you and the full moon.
It’s like we’re hand in hand
Walking through life
Who was the hero?
You’re the hero closest to me.
You’re my pain.
Where’s the laughter?
***
Tell me about it.
Explain it to me.
What’s wrong?
You’re hurting me!
Tell me.
I’m collecting,
I count
And when I feel like crying.
I suffer.
***
Scorched and no more.
Sounds, sounds
No! Scream!
They’ll leave a mark
And they’ll forget again
I can’t.
I’ll just be.
***
How many times
To beat, to endure!
Forgive all the pain
And cry again!
To see the line
And only light
What is there to forgive?!
Are you waiting for an answer?
You’ve left yourself alone
Suffer!
I’ll leave carelessness behind.
***
And danced again.
Drinking, screaming
My pain wouldn’t let me go.
But it kept coming back
And I met it irrevocably.
***
To the creak, to the crunch.
To the sigh
Of sad lips.
To the sighing of sad minds,
You draw a circle for yourself.
And what? Is it goodbye already?
What about the sky?! Heights!
You must remember
Forever…
How sweet and bitter
You’ll leave now.
And me?
Bye…
***
Desperate moments
I’m going to forget
But not now
And not in the moments
How can I save myself?
To hide myself in the morning?
So that at dawn
Only to face life.
And not to think of pain
To hold back the trembling in my thoughts.
With a divorce of the will
Let me begin again.
I want so much
Call me to sound.
***
It hurts so much to admit it!
When I wanted to dream again,
When I wanted to break
And smile! To dissolve
When I wanted to forget my hurts.
But so much blood
I’m gone.
***
You know what I realized?
I don’t want a relationship.
I don’t want to believe anything.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to convince myself.
I don’t want to get used to being alone.
I don’t want to give up the fairy tale.
And I want to live life.
I care so much about this path.
I don’t want to miss anything.
I’d rather forget.
I’d rather stop loving us.
***
In the sky’s place
She carried the tidings of sorrow with her.
But she spoke well
And something came to mind.
A glass is broken
And I’m drunk.
About the sweet lady
Who was always with me
Forgotten parts
— Movement of the day.
Forgiving, searching.
I’m not waiting for you.
***
And no persuasion.
And I’ve forgotten my faith.
So write it down, what’s the big deal?!
No sugar,
How lucky I am.
Will I remember?!
That’s hilarious.
Bad woman
Let her suffer.
***
I cut it open, I sewed it up.
But how do I take it out?
I forgot.
Now it’s gonna bother me forever.
Oh, oh, oh, I may never see you again.
But it’s just a ribbon
I won’t forget.
Here’s a tear.
***
One more time and it’s definitely over.
It should go away.
That’s not a good idea.
You said hold it!
Who knew what was ahead.
But I haven’t decided for sure,
I’m still going strong.
And the moon is full of thoughts.
Just two words
— There she is.
***
And I’ll read
— I won’t answer
I’ll make an evening of it.
Maybe with a drop of wine
An answer will come
Where is she?
Forgotten in your gloomy sorrow?
Were you called somewhere?
You’ve been so torn.
Will you stop it?!
And sleep is silent and it’s morning again.
7:20…
It doesn’t seem to be calling.
***
Stacked and intertwined,
I shelve them in my head.
But the ribbon is not strong enough.
I can’t wrap my hand around it.
I’ll only look at it once.
But I promised!
I need a deadline.
How? Will it work?
Without a trace!
But I’m still holding out my hand.
***
Take it off the front page.
Stack it in a shabby couch.
Squeeze into a mattress.
How are you?
And only out of sight,
And secretly read a book.
If only I’d known sooner.
I’d never remember!
But I didn’t, and I don’t regret it.
I wish, I hope, I just believe.
***
Not the first time, I’m sure.
I’m gonna start counting now.
You were afraid you’d be swept away
But I’m different in life.
I want so much and desire so much.
You look at me in the ashes
And I shimmer for you
Calling and looking and watching.
You wouldn’t understand
And I’m like this.
***
Do you know how it works?
And I’m always in doubt.
But practice tells me
That there’s no truth in my thoughts.
There’s a blob of us
And a train of thought
You won’t believe it
Happiness is like water
Look up,
A little less phrase
And I wanted it more than once
Even though it started out wrong
Let’s remember this morning
Not by a line of mature phrases
Not by hands clutching us
But rather a taste of it forever,
Let it be a flutter.
***
That’s all.
And I forgive
And I forget
I was wrong to believe
In those moments
I’ll take me back
To where my mornings and me.
***
Fluff, wind,
White eyes.
Will leave a tearful seal
And will be for you!
Fugitive!
Screamed in the jealousy of fire.
Not to obey…
And the world to suffer again.
From thoughts of pain
To turn life upside down.
Naively to think…
In memory!
Breathe in and drown.
***
You look at it, and it’s funny.
But if you repeat it, it’s not the same.
I blame myself for not saying anything.
But I’m starting to yell at myself.
And I doubt the fractures.
He fell like that, and the pain is from a fracture.
You don’t believe me?
Just come here.
This is so hard.
You’re locked in.
***
Can I have a boyfriend?
But only one.
In times of sorrow
And always be with me
In times of joy
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